50 – Love 8/31/07

To pass or not to pass
Sunday driver
It is Sunday....
Not driving, but looking,
Not steering but pointing
Not going 55, but 47
Passing
Looking over to see the monster
Not noticing the dark blue shark approaching
Shit, cop.
Approaching 80
Shit turning around
Shit I am wearing a wife-beater
I never wear a wife beater.
To run or not to run
34 and thinking like a 16 year old
Thinking of excuses
Pulling over
$186 and a lecture
He only knows about the 72
Yes sir
Thank you
Driving on.
Why do I say thank you?
Always pass a minivan.
Always
I am ok with today.

Clint’s Wisdom 8/30/07

I am a good guy,
I am honest
I am trustworthy
I am worthy of the love of a good woman.
All true statements,
All worth nothing.
I am alone writing poetry to someone who will never read it
I am bettering myself
I am becoming more aware of myself
I am realizing that happiness is a funny thing.

Owen Wilson
Another friend’s marriage lasting 1 year
One from a reliable source, the other from the line at the grocery
50% chance.
Choose right, choose safely,
I can’t predict the future
I can’t predict the next 5 minutes
I am going to seven corners.

Compatibility – thoughts on 8/29/07

Lasting team – not a quick fix
What percent of the recipe is attraction, salt, heat?
Can a human eat chilly every meal
My uncle does.
What percent is the happy overlap?
The un-measured, uncontrolled parts?
The slow simmer, the tool of the veteran chef
The rookie has no feel, follows the recipe exactly,
follows the recipe......follows.
The rookie wishes more precise measuring cups existed
The rookie checks too often the status
Worries about this thing – “the status”
Needs to constantly verify “the status”.
Doesn’t trust the process, doesn’t trust himself/herself

Microwave love, the impatient students long for it
Instant gratification, not a uniform temperature
Pockets of scalding warmth and lumpy frost....
Even when the tray spins
A meal that is slow cooked is what I seek
Time, trust, patience...
A nurturing chef, mixing by hand
In a kitchen aid society, how can I create the space for a marinade.

Cerebral to a fault 8/28/07

Disagreement between the brain and the heart
Are we not one, am I not one?
Your heart knows not of logic, of behavior
It knows only of the deepest care you can have for another being
The push for a solution through a goal - a milestone, does not make sense to the mind
The alternative does not work with the heart
The result is a pool on the floor of the operating room
The separation means the death of both parts,
Or so it feels.

Why can’t I just be your best friend?
That I can live up too.

Why can’t I be someone you get joy from seeing chase my own dreams
I would always return home.

Why does the target always change, without a moving target, or even a target?
I cannot miss.

Why can’t you focus on yourself, dream, hope, attempt, fail?
I would always be able to support you, to learn from you.

Why do you listen so closely to others? Feel the need to follow?
I can’t tell who is speaking

Why wasn’t I enough?

Fillmore 8/27/07

Laying it down with three fingers
Speaking with out words – syllables
30 years or 5 minutes ago – the same place
Summer trying to hold on, scared to change
No rush to start, no place to go
Clinging to something does not slow its decay
Enjoy the process of death, of dying
The antonym is found there
Space and silence
The canvas for the master
A great guitarist finds the path between the music,
A welcomed journey into your soul
No forced entry
Realizing not when it begins – only when it ends
Time travel is as real as sun warped vinyl

Marshmellow in a piggy bank. 8/25/07

Expectations are the currency of relationships
Credit scores are low, rates are high
Forced poetry is no fun for either of us.
Sorry.

Happily Ever After 8/20/07

The storywriter’s easiest line
Societies biggest lie
Death is at the end, not ever after
I can conceive of most everything....
But death

Of all the conquests, failures, and experiences I seek,
Death is my Mt. Everest.
I don’t want happily ever after
When it is all said and done, and most likely before it is all said and done.
I will die

I want to die well,
Which means I must live well

That is something to look forward to.

Happiness 2x defined 8/20/2007

I agree
Happiness is children, is love, partnership
But it is finding those treasures when you are simply walking along
People can’t tell you what happiness is for you,
Wisdom will tell you what it is not.
Happiness is telling those people to go fuck themselves
Happiness is lying on the operating table as the beeps slow
Knowing that you jumped the Grand Canyon.
Everyone said you would be committing suicide
But fuck them-
You jumped the Grand Canyon…well almost
For as you die, as the light fades from the room but resurfaces inside
You smile knowing that on their deathbed, they will be wishing
that they had died like you, not questioning what it might have been like…
to be yourself.

Glass Cage 8/20/2007

Raspy Hum
Dry Air – questions about pollens
Cage of glass
Jealous onlookers presume your personality
Basketball trash talk finally understood
“You don’t know me!”
Breathing consciously
Fighting internal mind battles on foreign soil
Who are you – what defines you?
How to be yourself and not become part of your surroundings
Cage of glass might be your prison,
Your identity prison

Gray Movie 8/19/2007

I sit here alone
Open seats to my left, to my right
Loneliness is a presumption about the future
Being alone is a fact
I long for her
But I long for her to become free
From her demons
I wonder if her demons are really hers,
What if I projected them, created them?
Did I shun her, did I notice her,
Could she feel noticed?
I can’t figure it out
I wanted to fulfill her dreams,
My dreams.
Dreams can only be fulfilled in the present
A task guaranteed to fail.

Worlds Weakest Man 8/18/07

It is easy to second-guess a dying man
It is easy for many to pass judgement, to condescend.
If you sir, were dying
Would you still judge, still condescend?
Would you think more about yourself, what you didn’t do?
Would you wish you had done more?
Told that someone you are sorry, or you loved him or her?
laughed more, tried more, judged less?

He who dies with less undone, unsaid, untried-
Dies with fewer worries, transitions with acceptance
He who wishes for more life to do what he should have done
Who feels he was unfairly treated in the game of life
Is usually the know it all, the one who deems himself tall enough
to be looking down on everyone.
The one loudly passing judgment, using vocal misdirection so others don’t notice

His attempt to hide.....

His fear of living

Hit by a Bus 8/18/2007

What if I were hit by a bus,
Who would be affected?
Who would come to my hospital room?
What if I didn’t make it?
Who would I regret not saying something too?

When the light is fading, and I am moving past this life,
Would those people who doubted me and my feelings understand,
At that moment, the true essence of who I was and how I felt about them
Or would they just get a phone call.
What if they were not on the call list anymore?

I think the energy saved in my heart would stay in this world,
I think it would seek out its partner, the one whom created that energy
And reunite.

Just a thought.

Wish 8/16/2007

I wish I were happy,
I wish I were more confident
I wish I were more secure
I wish I were 15 inches taller

3 of these are attainable for all humans,
4 of them for babies and kids under 7

Pearly Rainbow 8/15/2007

Live with out stress
Die with out stress

Take care of your soul
As that is what you see when you look for your savior
There is only you
There is only now
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no tunnel; the light you see is actually here and now.
If you harness the light now, and it is always with you…..
You don’t have to look to the end of anything for it
Sounds a lot easier to me…. what if you don’t make it to the end,
What if you take a different tunnel?
Shit, what if you sit down and rest.

Freedom 8/12/2007

Chained to the bedpost of responsibility
Evaluating the range of your motion

Thinking about MacGyver, a blow torch, or a special key
Wondering how sturdy the bedpost is.

How do I get free of this chain?
If I could just get over there.


Freedom is the absence of the chain,

Or

The absence of the knowledge of a world without the chain

Or

The total acceptance of the chain

Hopefully you see they are all equal

Happily Ever After 8/11/2007

The storywriter’s easiest line
Societies biggest lie
Death is at the end, not ever after
I can conceive of most everything….
But death

Of all the conquests, failures, and experiences I seek,
Death is my Mt. Everest.
I don’t want happily ever after
When it is all said and done, and most likely before it is all said and done.
I will die

I want to die well,
Which means I must live well

That is something to look forward to.

Mental Inconvenience 8/10/2007

Stress used to be real,
Stress is no longer able to enter my world

There are problems that arise,
I am human, I have tires, I have obstacles, I have expectations

These problems require my mental capacity to understand and to act upon
Getting caught in the washing cycle of repeat analysis is my headwind

The wind tunnel of life will either teach you to reduce your surface area
or blow you back to the fence with smoke in your face

Either way you have to pay for the time you have inside.
Might as well use it to your advantage

My advice is to bring along some clay and design a car or a helmet.
That is what I intend to do.

Become it, change it, or accept it
The three tools I have to smooth out my profile

Stress is the emotional attachment to your minds concept of what should be
You don’t need stress to survive.

You think you do,
You think it is like gravity, constant, unavoidable

You are wrong.

Allowing yourself to be wrong is the first step
Because you should be right, correct?

Will your ego allow you to be wrong enough times to save your life?

Love the Noble Possession 8/09/2007

Everyone agrees that the lust for identity based on things is self defeating and false.

I want “to be in love”
I need “love”
I will be happy once I get “married”
If I had “a girlfriend/wife” I would be complete
My parents would be proud of me if I had “Children”
I could be someone if I had “someone to love me”
If I had “true love” I could focus on the rest of my life
“love” will solve all of my problems
I can’t live without “her”
“she “ will always make me feel good about myself

Now replace the words in the “” with “ a Porsche”

Frat Boy Blues 8/08/2007

I am smarter than you
If I chose to I could beat you
I am better at sports than you
I am better at more things than you
My girlfriend is better looking than yours
My job is more difficult
My peers all like me more than yours
My collegues respect me more than yours
You don’t even know how to change the oil in your car
Your parents gave you the money
I became more from less
I have more social intelligence than you
I am more secure than you
I am better at admitting I am wrong than you
You should want to be me

Tool Shed 8/08/2007

Your mind like a hammer
Tools used to construct your identity
Witness the wood, the nails, the 3M double stick
Exist between the studs, beneath the sheetrock
Pine wishing it were Mahogany
Nails wishing they were hinges
If it can be labeled
It can not be you
Honor what you have constructed
But only find yourself in the space around it
Space can not be claimed nor can it be destroyed
Space can not be defined
Neither can you.

Relax 8/05/2007

What is it truly that you seek
Do you not have it?
Does the joy of the race not end at the finish line?
Explore the world both inside and out
Love will never elude you, trick you, or abandon you.
Once love becomes you
It becomes everyone you touch, you see
The love of oneself is sometimes called “selfish”
I call it the key to the kingdom
For with out the key you will always thirst outside the walls
And you will die with a dry throat.

1 hour 8/04/2007

Dry mouth
Heartbeat unsteady
Picking skin on my finger
Eye contact difficult
I am over you
I am not
I need to be
I can’t find you in us

Tibetan Bracelet 8/04/2007

Today I bought a Tibetan bracelet

PEACE. JOY. COMPASSION. LOVE

I bought it to act as a reminder to live in the now,
Be peaceful, show love, try not to get caught up in my ego and myself….

I did buy the one with gold letters

Do I identify with being worldly, wise, eastern, enlightened?
Do I want others to ask about it ?
Did I get the one with gold so it might happen to catch someone’s eye, so they could notice me, so they would be impressed?

I guess I will start with it being a reminder of my want to be something, and I will work backwards from their.