cynical stoplight 12/23/2008

the hapless soul's
eyes played the song
heard through the cars window
I stare through him
not believing his lyric
If I am right, he lives in st. louis park
if I am wrong, I am adding insult to injury



hapless \HAP-lis\, adjective:
unlucky; unfortunate

of it all 12/20/2008

of air
and wind
beneath breath
one winds
of salt
and sea
her candor
one sees
of grass
and earth
his strength
one feels




candor \KAN-der\, noun:
1. honesty in giving one's view or opinion; frankness and sincerity
2. fairness; impartiality

confusable 12/19/2008

that is the most iambic thing I have ever heard
do you mean idiotic
no asshole
ambsidextrious
what
you heard me
clean your room

parents aren't as smart as they think they are

I think they mistook the "or measure in poetry consisting of two syllables, an unaccented followed by an accented or a short syllable followed by a long" with "up your ass"

iambic \ahy-AM-bik\, adjective:
1. of or consisting of iambic measures

noun:
1. a foot or measure in poetry consisting of two syllables, an unaccented followed by an accented or a short syllable followed by a long

Ironman Race Report online

http://thegearjunkie.com/race-report-ford-ironman-arizona

Wedding Speech 12/16/2008

Fist full of steel
umbilical cord
attached
megaphone of death
piercing his fortress
a monument of life
fabricated ground up
days, hours, years
crumbled instant
revelation no brick skin could hide
naked
for who he is
and who he was

not the same

fabricate \FAB-ri-keyt\, verb:
1. to make, build, or construct
2. to make up, invent
3. to fake or forge a document or signature

faith in prose 12/15/2008

to write a poem using the word
to write a poem with the word
to write a poem using ecclesiastical
was not something
I was prepared
nor skilled enough
to do.

so I won't
or is that a lie
too late
to little
to honest?


ecclesiastical \i-klee-zee-AS-ti-kuhl\, adjective:
of or having to do with the church or clergy

432 12/12/2008

five after four
released gas
off gas
seaps from her lungs
gently harsh
scraping as it leaves
betraying beatific syllables

love cut short

beatific \bee-uh-TIF-ik\, adjective:
1. exaltedly happy; blissful
2. blessing or making exceedingly happy

simple 12/11/2008

sing sang sung
ablaut
ron lola run
amovie
b more kind
agoal

ablaut \ABH-lout\, noun:
the systematic substitution of one root vowel sound for another in different inflectional forms or derivatives of a word, as in ring, rang, rung

Miss Melissa 12/7/2008

Rating of judgement
absence abstinence
my elocution
flawless form
motion even
but alas
flawed

I saw FURRY
she saw FURY

wrong is an opinion
based on conformity

I the rebel
her the scribe

together
a new word

elocution \el-uh-KYOO-shuhn\, noun:
the art of speaking or reading clearly in public, including gestures, pronunciation, and tones

special olympics 12/5/2008

the water sentinal
over years temperature
days drought
prides struggle

disabled effort
tragidy only for onlookers
triumph a wingless bird
15th birthday

we guard what we can
expose our good hands
and signal our star
falsify our identities
to ourselves

to the TV's exterior


sentinel \SEN-tuhn-uhl\, noun, verb:
1. to stand guard and watch

noun:
1. a person stationed to keep watch and guard

Ironman AZ Race Report

Short version: 1 year of training, 1 day of hell, finished a grueling race without a visit to the medical tent (i.e. could have pushed a bit harder) but also way better than I thought I would be able to do. 10 hours 9 minutes 36 seconds. (My goal was anywhere around 11 hours). This was good for 169th place out of 2200 people who started the race.

Normal Paul Race report version:

Someone once told me that races are nothing more than an event where you can show off how hard you have trained, and I think that an ironman represents this more than any other type of event, except for the clause that in an ironman, the man with the hammer can visit anyone at any time and end their day. Well trained or not. The more I am involved in endurance sports, the more I appreciate the work ethic it takes to be good at these events. You can’t fake it, you can’t walk up to the start line and “gut it out”. It may not be your day even if you are well trained, but it will never be your day if you are not. For all of you who do not know what an ironman entails: 2.4-mile swim, a running transition from your swimming stuff to your biking stuff (usually entails a 200 yard to 1000 yard run). Biking 112 miles, a transition from biking to running, and then a marathon (26.2 miles). They call it a triathlon, but some people consider it a quadathlon. Swimming, Biking, Running, and Eating. Due to the distance and length of this race, fueling your body is as important if not more important than your physical ability to propel your body those distances. To most people this is a task so daunting that anyone will meet you with responses like “are you crazy”, “that can’t be good for your body”, “why would you do that when you can sit on your couch”, “hey do you know that they invented cars?” Ironically these questions actually enter your mind more and more as the race approaches.

I signed up for the race in march of 2008 after completing the Oceanside 1/2 ironman (this is a unique race because it has 50 slots for every ironman that finishers of this race can sign up for assuming their times were good. I had trained for this race but nothing like what I was about to be in for.... (For instance, the 56-mile bike I did in March was the longest bike ride of my life at that point....) My friends Nate, Carl, Dave, Anthony, and Casey had signed up for the Arizona Ironman on November 23rd, and so I picked that one. Signing your name and agreeing to pay $475 to put your self in this debacle was an interesting flash in my life. Why do I want to do this? Can I do this? What is my motivation? That is a lot of money.... But I signed up when I felt like hell from completing my first half ironman in 5:00:15. I was sore, tired, and in a lot of pain, but something inside made me raise my hand when they asked who wanted in for the race, I sort of smiled and looked at my friend john who had come to watch us do this race with a confused but confident expression.

8 months later I found myself on a cot in a room with Nate and Carl reading a few pages of a book on the Saturday night before the race in Tempe AZ. I knew I wouldn’t sleep that night, but we all tried. I remember feeling jealous of Nate as he immediately was sleeping and snoring when the lights went off. Nate had already done one, and so I think he was a bit more relaxed than Carl and I as it was our first. I laid on my cot and tried not to get too nervous about the race and actually not sleeping is more of an inconvenience than anything else, it would help to be well rested, but the stuff you need for the race is not very dependant on the 8 hours before hand. I had done all of the distances before on their own, I knew I had put in a lot of time in preparing, but I was not feeling ready physically. I went to bed feeling sluggish and not like a spring compressed ready to explode...

I tend to get large knots in my shoulder blades from my posture, sleeping, clenching my teeth, stress, or something that I do. And of course I developed one on the plane ride down to AZ. I tried to work it out and stretch it, but it was getting worse. On Friday morning we had done a practice swim in Tempe town lake where the race starts, after a 20 minute swim in 65 degree water, I went to see some of the free physical therapists, some guy had me doing some stuff where I pulled my neck to the side as he massaged my neck, I was pulling and then I heard something snap...my mid back popped, and I had some serious pain. It went from a 2 out of 10 to an 8 out of 10. I went back to someone else immediately but they could not do anything. I spent the next two days trying to calm it down, as I knew I was in trouble with this much pain. Through ice, heat, and a better therapist we found the next day I was able to get it down to about a 4 out of 10 by race morning, but I was still very worried about how this knot was going to affect me.

On Saturday we checked our bikes and our transition bags in, you check and recheck, and then leave all of your stuff at the race start so it is ready the next day.... bikes like you have never seen before. (There are 2600 people signed up for the race....logistical nightmare) I have been to a few big races now, but if you ever want to develop some self-esteem / body issues go to an ironman. You look around and everyone is lean, ripped, and looks like they could do one of these every day. You feel fat, under trained, and unsure about your self. (Or at least I do) you get nervous about it, and you ask yourself, maybe I am not ready for this, I don’t look like they do....that 55 year old guy could kick my ass, that guys bike is way better than mine, etc. The truth of the matter is that a lot of the fast people are indeed ripped and have fast bikes, but after completing some of these things, I have realized that looks can be very deceiving, fast looking people are often not so fast, and some slow looking people will make you cry for mommy. Triathlons do have an extraordinary amount of geeks (tri-geeks). These are people who eat organic rutabaga roots and have a condescending attitude for the rest of the world who does not see the reason to be as cool as they are, they wear spandex around all the time and will tell you how their bike is better than yours. They ask you very competitive questions and judge your results, your answers, and your bike (tri geeks love bikes). I stuck to my jeans, my corduroy hat (hot in the Tempe sun) and my new “peace in the valley” shirt from this years Spyeglass invitational. We deemed these people “donkeys, and more specifically tri-donkeys” we will eat their lunches or at least watch them eat our lunches but smile knowing we will be eating chocolate, drinking beer, and going to in and out burger the second we are done, and they will be stretching and entering their times in a spreadsheet that cross references their diets and their tire pressure with their satisfaction with themselves.


Back to the cot. Nate, Carl and I got up at 4:45. I had banana bread with dark chocolate chips (thanks Melissa!), a banana, and some Gatorade. We grabbed our wetsuits and headed down to the start about 5:45. I have never been witness to so much nervous energy; picture a dark pre dusk morning with 2600 (type A) people running around trying to rethink if they have everything ready for the race. Putting on your wetsuit, pumping up your bike tires, checking your bike nutrition, finding sunscreen, finding a bathroom (not a pretty site at any of these races). Everyone handles themselves differently on race morning, some are calm and quite, others try to help as many other people as possible to not have to think about it, others get testy or panicked...I find that I am pretty calm before these races, I usually am spaced out and forget something, but I think that sort of is who I am in normal life too, I don’t sweat the details too much which often leaves me without a hammer and holding a box of nails, but it also has prepared me to assume I will totally screw something up and figure out how to deal with it, so when things go awry, it is more expected than a freak out session.

This time I actually had the important stuff, wetsuit, goggles and swim cap. The sun was coming up when they said we could get into the water, I was trying to stay close to Nate who had done one before and who basically tutored me and helped me along with all things triathlon for the last 2 years (literally he made all of this possible for me, sort of similar to how you thought you studied hard in high school....until you get to college, I thought I trained until I met Nate.) He is a slightly faster swimmer than me and so I figured if I could hang with him for as long as possible I would be doing well (assuming I didn’t over work to do this). He was in his own mode pre race, but was cool with letting me tag along with him. Dave Mercer and Carl were also with us, Dave is the resident bike expert so he helped me pump my tires and check my bike one last time, I borrowed some sun screen from some German dude, sprayed it on, and Dave zipped up my wet suit. We walked down near the water (65 degree water that is nasty....it is illegal to swim in this lake on every day of the year except the race day...not a good sign). I was about to ask Nate when we should jump in when he just dove off the side of the lake into the water, so I followed, it was cold, but the wetsuit makes it palpable. Since we had been up since 5:00 drinking Gatorade, most peoples first move is the bathroom...yes 2600 people in a cesspool lake going to the bathroom....great. We worked our way up to the front of the swim start and jockeyed for position as the rest of the people got in and tried to make it to the front. Nate said we should go to the front as we are above average swimmers. By this time we had lost Carl and Dave, Nate and I hung onto a kayak so we wouldn’t have to tread water. This race is a mass start, 2600 people all in one big wave........I was surprisingly calm. I was really happy about being calm, and sort of surprised. There is a lot of hype surrounding an ironman, but when you are floating at the start looking at the sun come up over some rigid siluettes of desert mountains, you realize that life is a pretty cool thing, and I realized at that point that I was simply prepared for the day, I knew I could have trained harder, rode more miles, run much much more (I was injured all summer with a foot injury), swam longer swims, ate better, slept more, not have so many scoops of ice-cream or glasses of red wine, but I also knew that I have a job, a life, and a sweet tooth, and that is just who I am. I also knew that I had run a 3:19 marathon after riding my bike 15 miles to the race start because I felt like doing it. That I had ridden my bike with Nate and Carl and Sarah and Dave over 5000 miles in the past year. Rode my bike with Nate from Minneapolis to Webster Wisconsin (134 miles in over 9 hours), that I had swam roughly 3-4 days a week 3400 yards at a crack for the past year, that I had practiced eating and drinking different stuff over the last year. That I had finished 2nd, and 3rd in smaller triathlons this summer. I thought about what I had sacrificed to be floating in the water at this point in time in my life, and I just felt this calm.

First the national anthem, then some cheers, and some kayak trying to push us back, and then the gun sounded. Picture 2600 people standing next to each other, than all of a sudden, lying down together. Where there was once room, now there are feet kicking your stomach, and your feet are stuck under someone's chest. After a bit you plane out and are in this blender of brown water, arms, legs, and heads. I was next to Nate and sandwiched between another guy. I am not the straightest of swimmers so I was bouncing between them until I took an elbow from Nate in the goggles (my fault not his). This smacked my right goggle off of my face and I was forced to stop, refix my goggle and start again. This meant I got hit in the back of the head by about 3 people while stopped, and then had to sprint to try and catch Nate again...I couldn’t find him so I just gave up on my plan of staying with him and tried to take it easy. The swim goes 1.1 miles along the shore, and then 1.3 miles back on the other side of the lake. I just swam as easy and long (long smooth strokes) as I could. I really suck at going straight, so I tried to look up as much as possible...(looking up slows you down) but not too much, I kept thinking to myself to only go at a pace I could keep up all day. A few times I swam hard to try and catch someone's feet (if you swim right be hind someone it is much easier (like drafting in race cars)) I was so bad at going straight that I couldn’t even do that well, so after a few attempts I just swam in open water and kept my cool. I could feel my calves getting tight and I got really worried that they would cramp on the run If they were this tight already. My back and shoulder were really tight but didn’t affect me as much as I thought they would. Nate had told me to really try and enjoy the day and every once in a while look around and take it in. He told me to take a few backstroke strokes and look behind yourself once in the swim to see all the people behind you. I did that once, and it was truly a site to see.....unfortunately after a few strokes I realized that I didn’t want these people to catch me so I flipped back over and kept going (but it was an awesome site to see 2000 people swimming). I turned the last corner and had 200 yards to go, I had to pee and didn’t want to waste time in the bathroom, so I stopped kicking and tried to go in the water, it was not easy and I probably lost 30 seconds because I almost had to stop swimming, but got the faucet rolling and then swam to the finish, I got out of the water an looked at my watch...59 minutes. My swim coach figured I could do about a 1:05, so I was pretty surprised, I expected to see about 1:04 -1:06 on my watch due to the fact I swam in open water most of the time and swam so crooked...I didn’t feel like I was swimming fast but I also knew that I really didn’t try. I don’t mean that I didn’t try, but I swam at about 75% of what I would have swam if all I had to do that day was a 2.4 mile swim. I got out of the water and was wobbly and disoriented (which is normal) but I really felt great. I didn’t stress out about the 59 minutes because I knew I didn’t push. My only concern was my calves.

There were about 30 people who would strip your wetsuit off and hand it to you, then a run to a line of bags where you were given your transition bag you had packed the night before. You then run into a tent, sit down on a chair, and someone helps you dump your bag out, put on your bike stuff and put your swim stuff back in your bag so you can get it later. It took me 6:50 seconds to do this transition......not good. Nate did the swim in 58 minutes, and the transition in 3:50...so the people watching us, saw Nate and I run into the tent a minute apart and then Nate come out..........................................................and then Paul. I decided to wear tall compression socks for the bike and the run to keep the sun off of my skin and because I had worn them in some training rides and runs and liked how they felt. It took me some time to get them on wet legs and some time to get my shirt and all of the food into the pockets of the shirt. I also made a move to wear a long sleeve shawl.....yes a shawl. I wore this for one main reason...sunburn and body temperature. All of the races I have had issues with had something to do with elevated body temperature. I also thought that if I was in the sun for 11-12 hours, that energy would be taken to try and heal the damage done to the skin by the sun, so why not let the shall take care of that. It was white and has SPF in it. Anyway. I got all of that on, grabbed my bike and made it out to start the bike. At this point I heard john yell “Krum dog” and I was on my way.

About my bike. Nate had sold me his old triathlon bike, which I had ridden on for the beginning of the year, but for this race, I was riding a Keen K (Keota) Full Carbon Triathlon bike with Carbon Tri-spoke wheels. This set up is worth about $7,000. My friend John Larson at Team Ortho was kind enough to let me use this bike. I have been racing with Team Ortho all summer and working with John on growing team ortho. Spyeglass rents some of our space to team ortho in our shop, and donates some of our time and equipment to help them put on races. John was kind enough to let me use this bike for the last few months so that I could get used to riding it. (You need to get really comfortable with the bike you are riding in an ironman. It probably took me 700 miles to get his bike to feel like my bike. My wrists hurt for the first 12 hours, my back and neck for the next 12, etc. So it was not like he just let me use it for the day. It will be sad to give it back as it is like owning a trans am, borrowing your dad’s new corvette, then having to give it back and drive around the trans am again. The bike made a big difference in my race and my training, so to john and team ortho, thanks for everything.

I had a plan for the bike (which I had put together from talking with Nate, Sarah mercer, and Dave mercer who were very instrumental in preparing me for this race. Sarah had helped me with my training and had sent me some great articles to read on how to approach an ironman...one of the key things that stuck with me was an article she sent me called “moron pacing” which talked about how morons get in trouble in these races...and that morons are typically younger fit males.... The phenomenon is that said young fit male trains his but off (check) and tapers (reduces training volume to let your body recoup) (check) before the race and then feels so great on race day that they take off like a bat out of hell on the swim, and pass everyone on the bike in the first 60 miles only to come to a crawl at the end of the bike and the run because they picked an effort level that they could not sustain. I decided this would not be me...but I can totally see why it happens, you have been doing 1/3rd of what you are used to for the last 3 weeks up until race day, and your body is freaking out. You get achy, moody, tired, groggy, and you feel like you are worthless, then on race day, you feel like superman and you are unstoppable.

The bike is a 3-loop course of 37 miles. It goes out of Tempe, a sort of slight up hill towards this peak/ridge, and then backs into town. The wind was blowing down hill. My plan was to ride the first loop super slow and easy, then on the second loop try a bit harder, and then on the third loop maintain 2nd loop effort allowing my heart rate to creep a bit higher but my main focus was to eat and drink.

Loop #1 Bike: I rode the first out part into the wind at a high turnover (pedal cadence) but at a low effort level. I took my computer off my bike so I wouldn’t worry about speed or anything else, I only had my watch which I had a clock and my Heart rate showing. I checked my watch every few minutes and sometimes more often and maintained my HR at 130. If it crept up to 135 I would slow down (no matter how many people passed me) and if it were 126 I would put out more effort. (Just as a reference, when I passed out in the twin cities marathon I started the race at 145 and passed out at 185...on normal runs I run at 155, normal bikes between 120-150) It felt really slow because of the slight incline and the head wind, but I didn’t worry about it. I ate and drank as much as I could stomach to try and keep hydrated. There were aid stops every 10 miles so I would grab one Gatorade bottle and one water at each one and put the Gatorade on my bike and dump the water on my long sleeves, my back and in my helmet to cool down. This I think was key to my race as it kept me cool. I also think that keeping my HR low allowed me to eat and drink a ton where I know from past experience, when my HR gets too high (working too hard) your body doesn’t want to take in food and drink because your stomach sort of shuts off so your blood can focus on the muscles working so hard and this will bite you in the ass in a race that lasts 11 hours because the food you eat at 10AM will get you through the run at 4pm..... I got to the turn around and realized how bad the wind was.....once I turned around it was awesome, downhill with a tailwind all the way back to Tempe. I kept looking at my hr, and I maintained the effort at 130 however now I was probably going 33 mph and flying by people. Again, if I pushed too hard I would slow down, but I would assume I averaged 16 mph on the way out of town, and 26 on the way back. I had a goal time of a 5:30 bike split for the 112 miles, but when I got about a mile from the finish of loop one, I realized my first loop split was going to be about 1:45 which was about 5 minutes faster than I was planning. This is where moron pacing came in to play, I thought about it, and if I stuck to my original plan of trying harder on the second loop, I would potentially do a 1:40, but if I maintained that 130 HR I would do a similar split which would result in about a 5:15 bike, which was 15 minutes faster than my goal. And it didn’t require me to try harder and raise my chances of bonking later or not being able to take in food and drink on the remaining two loops. The bike is about fueling and conserving energy for the run. Rounding the turnaround cone and heading back out to the hills I saw our support crew cheering, which was a nice sight to see, you can see it in their eyes how you are doing and I think many of them were surprised to see me where I was.

Loop#2 Bike: I made the decision to maintain my 130 HR because I was afraid of the run, and I knew if I could pull a 5:15 bike at 130 HR that would be a good thing for my run. Every time I wanted to go faster, or pass some jackass that passed me, I would tell myself “it is not a bike race” “it is not a bike race” “it is not a bike race”. Loop #2 hurt the legs a bit more than loop one, but my HR stayed at 130 and my time was a bit slower. I did stop at a biffy to go to the bathroom, and ironically when I got out my friend Carl was waiting to go in. I was like “hey buddy” and that was that. Carl is a better biker than I so I was sort of riding scared that he was going to blow by me on the way back to Tempe but I never saw him. Since this is a full race report I cannot leave out the fact that my butt/crotch was killing me by loop 2. The copious amounts of chamois butter (crème to help from chaffing) had all but evaporated and I was having some trouble getting comfy. Sarah always says that no seat is comfy for 112 miles, but I hated life. I think it actually helped me because I had to stand up sit down move around so much that my muscles never got over cooked in one position. But it is a part of the day.... I would have paid 1 million dollars for more chamois crème, and if I ever do it again will bring some with me. Again I ate and drank as much as possible. I gobbled up some special yam/peanut butter/honey sauce that I made the night before (thanks to Melissa for the recipe and thanks to Johnny and Tara Winchell for letting me make a mess at their house at 11:00 pm to concoct said concoction) and ate some gels and cliff blocks when I could get them down. Part of this race is all about your stomach...so burping and farting and throwing up in your mouth is sort of part of the deal and most of the times you are just wishing for any of those to happen because you feel like a balloon. I had also read an article that said that most people screw up these races by doing the wrong thing based on how they feel. It said when you feel strong most people speed up...but you should really stay at the same pace and EAT. And when you don’t feel like eating, you should slow down until you do.... so I was feeling good and instead of going faster, I ate and drank as much as I could. I started having to sit and stand more on loop two due to the seat rubbing issues but also because I didn’t want my back and leg muscles to lock into one position. I tried to stand up and pedal once every 10 minutes and even into the wind I did it. It probably cost me time, but the theory is 10 minutes faster on the bike could cause you 40 minutes on the marathon. I rounded the cone again in Tempe, saw the support crew all in different clothes (they went for a run between loops) and headed back out of town.

Loop #3 bike: The good of the loop course...you know what you’re in for. The bad.... you can see the end of the race 2x before you can be done, you are right there and now you have to turn around and do it again...

I headed back out of town and started to feel a bit rough in the legs, so again I maintained my 130 HR and figured I would just be ok with a much slower loop. I hit all the aid stations and my plan was to eat a ton on the way out of town so I could settle my stomach for the last 40 minutes on the way back into town and not have a bunch of solid food in my gut sloshing around. By this point of the bike, since it is a loop course, the course was full of people (some on their 1st loop going 10 mph, some on their second loop going 15, and some on their 3rd that maybe were slow swimmers and fast bikers going 20 mph. Passing and not getting in a crash became a concern, plus you and everyone else is wobbly and tired so mistakes happen. I stayed clear of some shaky situations, ate and drank and kept dowsing myself with water whenever possible. About 4 miles from the turnaround Carl passed me, told me to “buck up buckaroo” as I told him to “go get me”. We ended up actually teeter tottering for a while and talking a bit. It is illegal to draft (even though we saw a bunch of people riding in packs (cheating) looking over their shoulder for the referees.... sad but it happens) or to ride side by side, so we sort of just ebbed and flowed up the hill. Once we got to the actual part that would qualify as a hill, Carl took off like he normally does on our training rides (he is a hill master). Being a tad larger I am anything but a hill stud. I also was not going to deviate from my plan of 130 HR so I backed off and watched him put some time into me. There is a big mental part to this race, which involves checking your ego at the door. Being a guy that likes to be good at stuff, as well as good friend with Nate and Carl and Dave, there was a large part of me that wanted to hang with Carl and Nate that wanted to show myself that I could bike with him.... even though I really know I can’t. We have a competitive spirit between us, but it is in a very positive way. I want to do really well in the race, but with them, not against them. So I remember at that point thinking to myself, I have to do what I have to do, and that is independent of what they are doing, or anyone else for that matter, I want to beat them in the same way I would like to chip in for a birdie on the golf course to beat someone, not to hope they double bogie so I can win. I remember that the thought of chasing Carl, or Nate when I saw them spiked my HR up to the 140’s because my instincts made me try harder...and I knew that it was not part of the plan so I just went back to me and my watch and my theory that it was not a bike race. I got into town, sat up for the last mile and shifted into a smaller gear to let my hr settle, my back relax and my legs get some blood out of them so the running muscles could be ready. About 20 people passed me in this time, but I stuck to my plan.

I went into the changing tent, slapped on my running shoes, tied a double not which took about a minute since my hands didn’t really work, drank some chicken broth (salty taste is good after all of the sugary Gatorade and goo), put some more food in my shirt, and headed out.

Loop #1 Run: It was now about 80 degrees and I was 6 hours 30 minutes into the race. I felt like I was going 1 mph as I trotted out onto the hard concrete run course. Looping courses where you pass through the starting gate 2 xs per loop. As I came out of the tent I saw john and jean that were there to give me a good job buddy. I knew Carl and Nate where up there some where and I was pretty stoked as I knew Nate was flying on the bike and was a good 10 minutes ahead of us, I assumed Carl was a good 4 minutes ahead of me but didn’t know. The first 2 miles were pretty brutal but I didn’t feel awful, just a lot of pounding on the hard concrete. I made it to the first aid station and took Gatorade, water, ice (under my hat) and ice cold sponges that I would put under my shirt around my neck to cool the blood that runs to your head. It was a lot of stuff, but I think it helped; I walked through each aid station to make sure I could get the fluids in and grab sponges. It was tough going at first but I just kept running. The first loop on the bike and the run were good because you didn’t know where you were going and there was some mystery as to what you were in for. The run loop was curvy and hilly, but broken up because it changed sides of the river on two bridges and had some good aid stations (cowboy theme, etc). I saw john again about mile 3 (the spectators had about as much work as the athletes) and he told me that Melissa and the other girls were just ahead and that Nate was in some trouble. I was motivated to see Melissa and the other girls but really sad to hear that Nate was struggling.... one thing about the ironman, if you decide to go for it, you will either finish fast, or you will hit the wall, Nate biked fast I knew that, and I just assumed it caught up to him on the run.... I ran over the bridge saw Melissa and the other girls and their smiles and support really gives you a lift. Even though you are doing the race for your own reasons, to see your friends, your girlfriend, and your training partners supporting you is a big bonus. I smiled at them and kept on trucking. My splits were above 8 minutes, but my HR was holding strong about 140-142. I decided to keep it in that range until mile 16 and then see how I felt. My hamstrings were feeling like if I pushed too much harder they might cramp, and I still was scared of the 3 hours ahead so I did not speed up even though I was secretly hoping to run a 3:30 marathon. I knew I had biked about 15 minutes faster than I had intended and I was worried that if I ran harder it might bight me in the butt. I finished the first loop in about 1:15 and set out for the second loop.

Loop #2 Run: Loop #2 sucked, you know what you are in for, and you know you have 2 more to do, so motivation is tough. Seeing john and jean, and them Melissa and Sarah and Rebecca and Susan at different points was great. Starting to run after walking in the aid stations sucks big time. Your body just wants to stop. The concrete was so hard and unforgiving and your stride is shortened and laborious because your muscles are drained and shortened and tight. I think loop 2 was the worst part of the day emotionally, I felt like I was running backwards, and getting nowhere, and I felt like my hamstrings might seize up, so I think I slowed down subconsciously even though my HR was still in the 140-145 range. I had gotten my aid station stops down pat, toss the old sponges, grab a Gatorade, drink it, grab water, splash on my shoulders and sleeves, grab ice in my hat, more sponges on my head and put in my shirt, start running...repeat (that is the essence of an ironman marathon, 2 mile races from one aid station to the next...repeat. I had to stop for another bathroom break on lap 2. I didn’t want to stop, but my bladder was full and didn’t have a choice. It probably cost me 30 seconds. I finished loop #2 passing Melissa and the girls, and crossed the path one last time. Each loop you have to run by the finish line.... and you just want to take a left and be done.... One of the best parts of my day happened on loop 2 though.... I was struggling through one of the harder parts of the run course and was sort of jockeying back and forth with this one guy. I was running faster than he was, but he would run the aid stations and I would walk them, so I would pass him, then at the aid station he would pass me. I was just about 10 feet behind him with another guy about 10 feet behind me. And I hear someone yell. “Go Donald!” And I had an instant smile because of the big elbows being my favorite movie, but then to my surprise, I heard “go Walter” and I about started laughing, I was running between Donald and Walter.... I might have hallucinated all of this, but I looked at their race numbers and sure enough.... I was in the middle of the big elbows running club! That got me through about 3 miles of said loop. Unfortunately I had to leave Walter and Donald behind, as they were not achievers in the end. I was in rough shape, but I always smiled and said thank you to anyone who cheered for me. It is an awesome thing to have a stranger encourage you, and I wanted to make sure they knew I appreciated it. I also made sure I smiled and said hi to all of the people that came down to watch us for they also sacrificed for us to do this race. To date or be married to someone training for one of these is probably less than ideal. We are constantly fatigued, have strange commitments to massage, yoga, bike rides, runs, swimming, sleeping, etc. The only true benefit is that we end up with a pretty low body fat percentage, and if some day all cars blow up at the same time and you need to get a package to eau Claire, we could get it there for you.

Loop #3. Passing the finish line spot for the start of loop #3 I got really choked up and almost started crying for some reason (it was a strange feeling). I nipped that in the bud and said to myself, you haven’t done anything yet jackass. Sarah had prepared me well for the run with some of our discussions, she told me once, that running the first 16 miles 50% of people can do, but running the last 10 is the key to an ironman. Because the change in time between running 8 or 9 minute miles and walking at 14-15 minute miles can be 30-40 minutes. The race starts at mile 16 she would say, and at mile 20, everyone wants to die, the last 6 miles is all about heart and will and nothing else. It was an interesting scene, almost like a river freezing, loop one everyone was running, loop two, mostly running some waddling, by loop three, people were waddling, walking, laying on the side of the course asking for help up, stretching, swearing at their body parts that had stopped working, walking in a trance. I remember making it to mile 20 and telling myself that this is nothing more than one of my nature preserve loops that I do with Timmy once a week. I asked myself “ on the worst day of your life, sick, tired, sore, dehydrated.... could you go do one 7 mile loop if you had too?” And I told myself I could. I saw Melissa and Sarah and Susan again with 4 miles to go, and I remember looking directly at Melissa and I could tell for the first time she was really concerned for me. I was 99% sure I knew what I was doing, but could tell she was worried, I ran past them and put myself in the pain cave for the last 4 miles I didn’t think about anything but the course. I just kept putting it in terms of things I knew I could do....”one lap around lake Calhoun and Harriet” then “one lap around Nokomis” and then two miles, then one. It is funny what you hear and what makes a difference to you. I remember vividly when I started loop two someone saying softly to his or her friend (after shouting go Paul!) “Hey I think he is already on loop 2” and just the tone in their voice gave me confidence like they were really impressed. I remember one lady who looked like a runner yelling “Paul you look really strong” when I started loop #3, I sort of laughed and thought “yeah right you say that to everyone” and then she stared at me right in the eyes and said in a stern coach like voice “I am serious, I know what I am talking about” like she read my mind. And I knew at that minute that I was going to make it. I decided at mile 20 that I was going to make it and I could up the effort a bit, I started passing people and running harder (now this may sound good, but the pace I was going at was slower than I have run on any run in the last 15 years). Everyone has their name on their number so all along the course people are encouraging you by name, and it really helps, you can see how proud these people are of their loved ones and what an accomplishment it is for some people to attempt and finish this race. It is like the pain sort of bathes you in this sense of presence with the people at the race and you share in the pain and the experience. I got a mile out and knew I was going to make it, I turned down the shoot to the finish, and crossed paths with someone who was just leaving the bike transition (i.e. they had 26.2 miles to run). I felt for that person because it was still a long ways away for them, but I was within 200 yards. I saw one guy ahead of me as I turned into the shoot. I saw john there and smiled at him and gave him a “hey buddy” he looked at me and said....”well, RUN! Catch that guy” and I love john for that, it is a race after all, so I put the hammer down (what there was of one) and ran after him, he ran harder too so I still finished behind him (he ended up being a pro, and since the pros started 10 minutes before the rest of us, I actually beat him :)), but crossed the line at 10:09:36, running a 3:43 marathon. I couldn’t believe it. It was over. My time was good for 169th overall in the race out of 2200 people that started it. Hell with normal transitions I might be a 10:05...

to put things in perspective. The first triathlon I did had a bike leg that was 25 miles. I rode as hard as I possibly could and ended up in the medical tent after that race. My bike speed was 21.2 mph. I remember I wrote that number on the side of my helmet because I couldn’t believe how crazy fast I had ridden my bike. I mean I dropped the hammer and was twisting my arm patting myself on the back for riding so fast. Sunday I rode 112 miles and my average was 21.2 mph. And I did that while preventing myself from putting forth any significant effort or heart rate. The human body is an amazing thing.

This is a really long report, but I probably put in over 750 hours of training and racing to do this so you can suck it up and read some more!

Training: the training involves riding 125 miles on a Saturday, followed up by an hour run, and then on Sunday running for 2 hours (to try and simulate the fatigue you will feel on race day). It involves spending money on spandex and cliff bars, funky helmets, running shoes, swimming classes and goggles. It involves going to bed early, getting up even earlier. It involves sitting on your bike for 5 hours on a snowy day in front of your TV because you live in MN. It involves having no real time to enjoy simple things.... typical day: get up at 5:45, eat a banana, grab swim bag, drive 20 min to swim class, swim 3500 yards from 6:30-7:30, sit in rush hour traffic to get to work by 8:30, work from 8:30-5:30, drive home by 6:00 get on your bike for 2 hours or run for one or two, finish by 8 or 9, shower, eat, repeat....



I think that I can sum up the iron man in a saying Sarah told me once.

“I will do what you won’t do today, so that I will do what you can’t do tomorrow”

I truly believe that anyone can do this race, just like anyone can be rich, successful, a good parent, climb a mountain, start a business, or what ever they want.... it is just that 99% of people won’t do what it takes to achieve that goal because it is hard, and takes commitment, and there is no guarantee that you will succeed.

Showing up to the start of an ironman is not difficult, getting up to go to swim practice on January 15th at 5:30 AM is the truth of the ironman. It is not signing up, or showing up, it is the full commitment to the cause that is what makes it a special achievement. I am more proud of myself for having the willpower to stay in on a Friday night so I could go ride 120 miles in cold and rain in Wisconsin on a Saturday than I am that I flew to phoenix and completed this race. For I truly believe that the race was completed long before I got to the start line.

Crossing that finish line was an interesting feeling; you sort of melt emotionally because you can finally let your guard down, your mental and emotional guard. Two people immediately grab you and sort of support you while you get your t-shirt, hat, medal, and they get you out of the finish area. I have probably completed 20 triathlons, and have finished much shorter races in much worse condition. So it was nice to be able to hug Melissa and see john and jean and not have to be escorted to the medical tent. I know a lot of people were worried about me because I have had some touch and go situations in other races in the past, but I think the fear of this race kept me in check. The good thing about almost killing yourself in a race is that you identify and get a really close good look at your limits, and those lessons are not easily forgotten. Every man has got to know his limitations (east wood say that?) And unfortunately the only way to truly find them is to truly find them. You can’t learn about your limitations from a book on tape, sometimes you have to wake up naked in a hospital with two iv’s in your arms and a fan blowing over you with some guy asking you what day it is.... or what the vice presidents wife’s name is

Crossing that finish line felt a lot like hitting the winning free-throw in a basketball game. Not because you made the free throw, but because of the reason you made the free throw...preparation and opportunity...you got the opportunity to perform, and you had prepared yourself for that moment.... regardless of rain, snow, shine, sickness, fatigue, etc you went out and shot 100 free throws every day, so that when you got to that line you knew it was going in, not because you wanted it to go in, because you have done it so many times that you actually knew it was going in. And it went in because of the 10,000 you shot when it didn’t matter, and no one was watching you, and in the end, it was the 10,000 you shot alone that was the true achievement, not the one you made or maybe even missed when everyone was watching.

I was lucky that the day worked out for me and I owe 90% of that to Sarah and Dave and Nate as without them I would have never had any direction or any clue as to what to do or even how to do it. I think my strongest quality in this sport is I can be coached :)

I don’t know if I will ever do one again, but I am a better person for this experience, and if nothing else it reminded me that in our instant gratification society, nothing is sweeter than working and sacrificing for something because when you give so much to achieve something, the achievement gives you 10x as much in return. I received a new level of confidence in my abilities and my determination, I have a great group of new friends that are truly great people, and I have tried out a new lifestyle for a couple of years that most people look at as insanity. The challenge with this sport is not the physical part, but the social part. It is a very selfish sport that involves 15 hours a week of training typically by you or with other tri-donkeys. How do you stay connected and also get in the training?

Sorry if I got sappy there.

The funny thing is I know I have a 9:45 race in me just as I know I have a Bonk and 14 hour finish in me. I know I miss soccer, and basketball, and golf, and sleeping in, and drinking beer, and mountain dew, and my friends and my family and late night TV and trying something new I suck at, and discovering the meaning of life, so I am not sure what will be next. What I do know is that I was able to put myself in the pain cave for 10:09:36, exude MTXE as my dad always taught us in tennis (mental toughness and extra effort) and execute a plan. I have not been able to go down or up stairs, or sleep because my legs are in such pain, but I golfed 36 holes today in phoenix and shot an 84, 86 and tomorrow I will eat a large turkey and sit on my ass.

Make a wish 11/11/2008

His decisions
delayed
or chance
up and away
grounded in faith
subject to sidereal
calculations
signs of the night
clouds of enemies
on-high and within

sidereal \sy-DEER-ee-uhl\, adjective:
measured or determined by the daily motion of the stars; of or having to do with the stars or constellations

Bryant Mornings 11/3/2008

walking towards the door
the aquiline curve
where her butt intwines
with her leg
silhouetted by incorrect microwave clock light
burrowing pony dog
model like maintenance
sunday begins
later than most
where is my ham
where do I vote

tomorrow will be a day like no other.

aquiline \AK-wuh-lyn; -lin\, adjective:
1. curved like an eagle's beak
2. of or like an eagle

Mesopotamia in June 10/31/2008

of words and thoughts
of labels and judgements
by scholars and musicians
by proper and slang
failure by putting pen to paper
every word another step
towards gloaming
and away from the light

gloaming \GLOH-ming\, noun:
Twilight; dusk.

Playground vs. World 10/30/2008

Weakness
sometimes feebleness
or lack of power
sometimes hubris
or temper

evoking compassion
or pity

no defining rule
no correct behavior

some conquer the weak
some pick them up
brush them off
and say,
"come on, lets go get some chocolate milk"



hubris \HYOO-bruhs\, noun:
Overbearing pride or presumption.

No Bivouac 10/29/2008

No Bivouac
looking for shade
light
but not purgatory
either hell
or scorched heaven
impassable
yet tempting
to try
or to remain

both yield
the same


bivouac \BIV-wak, BIV-uh-wak\, noun:
1. An encampment for the night, usually under little or no shelter.

intransitive verb:
1. To encamp for the night, usually under little or no shelter.

The Magnificent Hulk? 10/28/2008

Super hero adjectives
who picks em
and how we never think
not once
that our feared snow mongrel
the bain of weak minded
fame whores
would have had to claim they found
the execrable snowman


execrable \EK-sih-kruh-buhl\, adjective:
1. Deserving to be execrated; detestable; abominable.
2. Extremely bad; of very poor quality; very inferior.

seamstress pundit 10/27/2008

no corroboration
or edification
could impede,
her pontification
or oration
about the material tweed

corroborate \kuh-ROB-uh-rayt\, transitive verb:
To strengthen or make more certain with other evidence

Fear Mongering 10/25/2008

Race bigotry
back or forth
country first
the repulican quandary
knowing fear and race
will deter more votes
than policy and dignity
will attract
Capitalizm, win at all costs
maybe that quandary
was not one at all


quandary \KWAHN-duh-ree; -dree\, noun:
A state of difficulty, perplexity, doubt, or uncertainty.

he moved by legerdemain 10/10/2008

Eddie V should have thought about
legerdemain when he was naming that song
not as well rhymed as his option
but would have led more listeners to
the dictionary
or at least google


legerdemain \lej-ur-duh-MAIN\, noun:
1. Sleight of hand.
2. A display of skill, trickery, or artful deception.

Animals 10/9/2008

aficionado
sort of like fiancée
words used
and more importantly overused
with a self declared aloofness
in their tone
and a self important grin
on their face
by people you and I both know

The room fills with brainwaves
waves crashing from one person
to the next
all in unison
of both amplitude
and meter
waves which surf the common theme

What a donkey this person is
if they knew how lame they were
maybe they would give up the charade
they know,
they have to
right?
ha ha, charade you are
ha ha, charade you are.

aficionado \uh-fish-ee-uh-NAH-doh\, noun:
An enthusiastic admirer; a fan.

Hussein McCain 10/8/2008

politicians,
even the ones that are somewhat tolerable
you know
the kind that can mess up
a yes or no question
circumlocution seems to be
a platform vs. a plague
it is comical and sad
it is a yes or no question
not a discussion of the tenants of national socialism
yes an ethos

circumlocution \sir-kuhm-loh-KYOO-shuhn\, noun:
The use of many words to express an idea that might be expressed by few; indirect or roundabout language.

moving 10/3/2008

"your moving to Montana?"

figuratively?

no

Littorally

I don't see the connection?

well maybe there isn't a literal connection

No, there is no connection

well I am moving anyway,
and I thought you should know.


littoral \LIH-tuh-rul\, adjective:
1. Of, relating to, or on a coastal or shore region, especially a seashore.

noun:
1. A coastal region, especially the zone between the limits of high and low tides.

Donny 10/2/2008

decision to fire
starting from your heart
overpowering both mind and god
results don't change intentions
from deep spots
de-coagulation of stiffness
clenched and flying
from hip towards neck
inches away
donnybrook

donnybrook \DON-ee-brook\, noun:
1. A brawl; a free-for-all.
2. A heated quarrel or dispute.

showering in bed 10/1/2008

Shower or not
tomorrow gets sweaty
no one sees me
why do I?
seriously
but alas
a slugabed I can not be
my legs stick together
sweat from previous day
I can lay here
but sleep eludes me
no steering wheel
shower would take 4 minutes
but laying here seems wise
regret
laziness
mistakes repeated
insane


slugabed \SLUHG-uh-bed\, noun:
One who stays in bed until a late hour; a sluggard.

Michael Finley 9/12/2008

Her abusive tongue
combined with her lack of intelligence
always got me into worse trouble
because as I blankly absorbed
the oratal vomit emminating
from her mouth
I wondered if she possibly
understood what she was saying
and thus a smile came to my face
partially because of the drama
and partially because I was thinking
if I were in pro basketball
and playing the spurs
I would have some good ones
for aging robert horry
thanks to the word of the day.

hoary \HOR-ee\, adjective:
1. White or gray with age; as, "hoary hairs."
2. Ancient; extremely old; remote in time past.

Traffic 9/11/2008

We hope our sad thoughts evanescent
and our new experiences
fill the void
but when in traffic
it is not the new experiences
that tighten your face
and spell out
the words before you.

evanescent \ev-uh-NES-unt\, adjective:
Liable to vanish or pass away like vapor; fleeting.

Guest Writer

Thoughts turn backward.
Today we weep.
Be amoung friends.
Open your heart.
Swim.

September is here.

random notebook poem

Love, Life, Lafter
There, now, after
response, body, mind
confused, ahead, behind
Where am I?
How do I fit in?
No decisions free
all costly, undefined, currency, value
you messed up, didn't you?
stress, bunched shoulders, jaw
clinch, stuck, colder
smile, fake, pained
life, love, drained

Napoleons complex 2008 9/10/2008

His words were torrid
searing and cauterizing ones ears
his eyes hid nothing
that his mouth regurgitated
his weakness was so evident
I could not even laugh
as I normally would
when accosted this way
but only sadly stare back
wondering what his kids would end up like
because these people always have kids
so someone has to look up and admire them



torrid \TOR-uhd\, adjective:
1. Violenty hot; drying or scorching with heat; burning; parching; as, "torrid heat."
2. Characterized by intense emotion; as, "a torrid love affair."
3. Emotionally charged and vigorously energetic; as, "a torrid dance."

Charlie Sheen 9/9/2008

I would regale her
with my stories
impress her with my wit and cunning
reminicing aloud about that time
or the other
smooting those that needed to be smoten
besting those who thought otherwise
out thinking the wiseman
out running the sprinter
out lifting the german
and out manuevering the italian
but in the end,
she would smile and say
you already told me that story

and I,
realizing I was a hot air balloon
of five go to stories
felt like charlie sheen
on a blind date
a recorder
a playback of what was not original
to her
nor to me

regale \rih-GAY(uh)L\, transitive verb:
1. To entertain with something that delights.
2. To entertain sumptuously with fine food and drink.

9/7/2008

Square lake 69.3 mile race. (the bike mileage is off by a mile or so)

1.2 mile swim

55-56 mile bike (no one is really sure)

13.1 mile run

Signed up for the race last year (it is $40 if you sign up in advance). I signed up with the thought that it would be a “training race” to prepare for ironman AZ in November. It would be a good way to get in a long workout and have support (food and water) on the run and bike already laid out for you, plus it would allow me to work on my god awful transitions.

The forcast was for cold and rainy, high 50’s.

I got up, ate 4 eggs some toast, some OJ, a banana, and headed to Stillwater, stopped for an espresso and got to the race at 6:30.

Set up my stuff and was down to the water ready for the race….

I was in the front row for the swim start, the first group was 29 and under and the elites. I had a good start and basically swam the entire thing with clean water as the first place swimmer was GONE from the start, and the other faster swimmers and me were basically the same pace, I was a body length ahead of everyone else which was nice since I was not constantly running into people. Someone decided to hitch on to the krum train and was drafting off of me the entire time. (it is much easier to swim right be hind someone just like drafting in nascar). Normally it is not a big deal, but it is not good etiquette to continually hit the persons feet with your hands when doing this, I got so fed up that I tried to sprint ahead and lose this person, but they were on to me and sped up to follow, so then I would slow down thinking they would pass, but they didn’t, they were just going to draft the entire way. Luckily my mindset was that I was training for the ironman, so if I was doing more work than the rest of the people that was fine with me…better training, I almost succumbed to the veteran “stop drafting off me move” which is to almost stop, cock your foot, and then kick them in the head as they swim into you, but I decided to save that for another day. It was a two loop swim so the second loop was congested as we had to swim through the other waves….swim time 29min…karma (the person drafting off of me was a girl, so I am glad I didn’t kick her…sort of) 29 min swim, my swim coach Scott would be proud, and glad I didn’t kick a lady.

Got up to the transition area (ran up 40 stairs to get there), almost fell over into a rack of bikes since my balance was way off…must have swam to hard. I literally felt drunk, I was not going to sit down to put my socks on because my tri-dork friends always give me guff for it since it is not a timely thing to do, but balancing on one foot trying to put a sock on a wet foot after swimming for 30 minutes and running up stairs I don’t think would be doctor recommended. Luckily not many people were up there to see me in such a sad state… Got on the bike and started off, kept it easy for lap one, not many people out there, someone asked me to cheat (draft with them) which I declined. Said cheater stayed on my tail for the first loop and I really wanted to get away from him because he was annoying and cheating. I came to a large hill (not large compared to the ones we train on in Wisconsin but large enough) and just dropped him by speeding up it and hammering over the top. I really didn’t want to do this because it spikes your heart rate, which is a no no in a long race, but I felt I had to separate myself from this guy (saw him later lying on the side of the road holding his hamstring, so the drafting gods got him anyway). I was a good 500 yards behind this 47 year old guy for the entire first lap, and then on lap 2 was able to pass him when some jack ass in a Mercedes tried to cut us off around a corner, I took the inside route and he was stuck behind him, then I just pressed on the gas thinking he could not keep it up…I mean hell he was 47 right?, it was a pretty painful experience just churning for 56 miles, but I ate and drank what I could and luckily the temps were cool, so I was not a sweat monster like normal. The only choke was when my home made energy sludge bounced out of my jersey at mile 22, and I was yamless for the rest of the race (new roadie concoction of yams, peanut butter and honey stolen from sanfransico dietician). There was a more than usual amount of road kill on the bike route, which was mildly disturbing when you are trying to think happy thoughts. I was passed by one kid at mile 4 like I was standing still, but I kept my cool, and ended up passing him like he was standing still at mile 48ish. So it pays to race your own race and not get caught up in what is going on around you. My plan for the day was to swim hard, bike hard and then just jog the run, I have been having some ankle issues and have not been able to get in the run training needed to be a strong runner.

So I finished the bike in 2:26 at 23MPH average, and 5th overall bike split, which for my first season really biking was pretty awesome. It was my first race on a full Carbon Kuota Kueen-K bike that my friend John from Team Ortho let me use, so as lance should have said…”it is the bike” .If it wasn’t for my friends dragging me to Wisconsin for hellish hill rides since the spring I would not be anywhere near this sort of bike fitness. So thanks to the tri donkeys of the lowlands.

I transition to the run thinking this will be the furthest I have run since April and I should take it easy. Of course as I am telling myself this, I decide to ask one of the fans how far the other guys are ahead of me, he looks me in the eye and says “you are in second place, 2 minutes back” so now I am thinking…so much for a training run……what if this guy blew himself up on the bike, or is a slow runner? So I put down a few 6:30 miles before realizing I can’t do a 6:30 pace ½ marathon, so I back it down to around 7:00 and try to stay calm, I was about3 miles in when I got passed by some kid in tights and one of those lame water belts, the ego wanted to chase him down, but I knew that was a mistake (if he wasn’t wearing tights I would have seen that he was 22 and would have felt better about it…but passed by tights and a water belt…damn that hurt), and then at mile 5 by my buddy the 47 year old dude, who was obviously a good runner passed me, I knew from looking at him run that he was capable of a 6:30 pace, so I just tried to hold it together at my 7:00 pace and see what happens. At the turn (it is an out and back race) I saw both the guys that passed me as well as a new guy, some young kid who was in first but had just been mowed down by the other two, he was about 2 minutes ahead of me, so I set my sights on him, which is tough in such a long race as you can’t get too excited, you just have to tell yourself if you can run 7:00’s you will pass him by the end. I passed him about mile 8 and just tried to hold on, it had started pouring about mile 6 and my shoes were soaked and heavy, I was cooled by the rain which was nice, but things started to get really tough around the time I passed him. His dad was driving ahead of us and parking and watching the entire run, so I kept seeing this guy, at mile 10 he says to me “you have 3rd place locked up” I wanted to kick him in the balls, I think he was trying to be nice, but your brain starts saying, yeah, you can walk from here and be fine, so I was trying to not think about that the last 3 miles when I thought my hamstrings were going to pop and my blisters were going to turn the road red. I was so far behind #2 and pretty far ahead of #4 so my last 2 miles were probably 8:00’s but I held on to 3rd place without much trouble. 7:06 pace for a 1:33 half marathon

It was not that big of a race (and most of the studs were racing in the IM Wisconsin in Madison, or watching), but 3rd is still on the podium (not that I stuck around to see if there actually was a podium) the 47 year old ran 6:34’s and the other guy 6:35’s, and I was ahead of both of them after the swim and bike, so with some run fitness, maybe next year.

Total time 4:33 (PR by over 27 minutes….but it was a cooler day and an easier course than the California beasts from the spring)

Now it is training, sleeping, and trying to lower my intake of coke and icecream until nov. 22 when IMAZ happens….

Senior 8/29/2008

Barack
one to redress the state of our nation
to address our narcissism as a country
and as individuals
to let us know that he will do his part
but success relies more on our part
and us holding each other and ourselves
to standards uncomfortable
even difficult
contact from the past
redressing disorder in the universe
a connection lost through space, time
and our northern border
relief, anticipation, uncertainty
excitement
to know the world still revolves on its access
feelings had, were indeed shared
and time does not weaken bonds
bonds created with truth, and stone
by those with character and heart
The world will right itself
as it always does
the next phase approaches
spinning with the momentum
of millions of souls
all hoping for the same thing
hope.

redress \rih-DRES\, transitive verb:
1. To put in order again; to set right; to emend; to revise.
2. To set right, as a wrong; to repair, as an injury; to make amends for; to remedy; to relieve from.
3. To make amends or compensation to; to relieve of anything unjust or oppressive; to bestow relief upon.

noun:
1. The act of redressing; a making right; reformation; correction; amendment.
2. A setting right, as of wrong, injury, or oppression; as, the redress of grievances; hence, relief; remedy; reparation; indemnification.

maiden rock WI 8/18/2008

I heard the knell
well before i knew we had finished
it came from my left calf
loud and clear
forshadowing what was to come
slow painful and real
no sucrose, fructose, or glucose
could save what was impending
the doom, the struggle
the last 45 miles

Maiden Rock, was my resting place
although my body is not there.


knell \NEL\, verb:
1. The stoke of a bell tolled at a funeral or at the death of a person; a death signal; a passing bell; hence, figuratively, a warning of, or a sound indicating, the passing away of anything.

intransitive verb:
1. To sound as a knell; especially, to toll at a death or funeral; hence, to sound as a warning or evil omen.

Scott Tripp's workouts 8/12/2008

4 sets of 100's, 200's
and most of all
the ungodly kicks
at 50 seconds
enough to enervate
the scaliest beasts
who walk on land
and go to work
dazed and dry
with funny eyes around thier sockets
where there marks should be

enervate \EN-ur-vayt\, transitive verb:
1. To deprive of vigor, force, or strength; to render feeble; to weaken.
2. To reduce the moral or mental vigor of.

yes 8/11/2008

Provenance
of love
of life
of happiness
the soul
the center
the lungs
where breath becomes words
and the outside becomes internal
love and god meet
and mix in red blood cells
provenance.


provenance \PROV-uh-nuhn(t)s\, noun:
Origin; source.

wanted it to be cool 8/8/2008

A vexillologist by day
and well
most likely a vexillologist by night
because people like this
are not much more
than strugglers

vexillology \vek-sil-AHL-uh-jee\, noun:
The study of flags.

albatros 8/7/2008

Narcissism breeds asperity
as humbleness breeds calm
the road to both are equally as long
and take the same amount of time and effort
the benefit to all who pass is evident
and the animosity and swelling
reduced so the lily pad lays smooth



asperity \as-PAIR-uh-tee\, noun:
1. Roughness of surface; unevenness.
2. Roughness or harshness of sound; a quality that grates upon the ear.
3. Roughness of manner; severity; harshness.

huh 8/6/2008

she spoony
he saucer
her issues
his problem
thier life
our comedy


spoony \SPOO-nee\, adjective:
1. Foolish; silly; excessively sentimental.
2. Foolishly or sentimentally in love.

lost verbage and bad writing 8/5/2008

We vituperate the chinese
for their censorship and way of trying to control
We place more value in what sharon stone says
than the european union
when it comes to our politics
and politicians
great tits don't make someone correct
or knowledgeable
but unfortunatly
great tits can make us forget that
sheep love tits
and our media loves showing great tits
because everyone knows sex sells
thus if she says china is wrong
than she must be right.



vituperate \vy-TOO-puh-rate, -TYOO-, vi-\, verb:
To find fault with; to scold; to overwhelm with wordy abuse; to censure severely or abusively; to rate.

back at it 8/4/2008

A heart like a bird
a brain like a melon
soft without cunning
steel without the annealing process
falling through a medium unannounced
obeisance evident by the formation of the landing
conforming only to the laws of gravity
seeking to destroy what others embrace
life as we know it
is not as we know it
only as we feel others see it
similarly to us


obeisance \oh-BEE-suhn(t)s; oh-BAY-suhn(t)s\, noun:
1. An expression of deference or respect, such as a bow or curtsy.
2. Deference, homage.

pickup 102 7/22/08

to approach a woman in a bar
or a latrine for that matter
is easy to the extent
that she is stationary
but to approach a gamine
and ask for directions
or a date
is like harnessing the power
of the sun
as it slithers
like a water snake
through your hands
and down the street
laughing without conviction

gamine \gam-EEN; GAM-een\, noun:
1. A girl who wanders about the streets; an urchin.
2. A playfully mischievous girl or young woman.

donny who loves kickball 7/21/2008

infinity
infinity plus one
infinity plus infinity
infinity times infinity
the escalation of two hopeful scholars
chest bumping thier supernumerary skills
to the rest of the class
busy playing kickball.

supernumerary \soo-puhr-NOO-muh-rair-ee; -NYOO-\, adjective:
1. Exceeding the stated, standard, or prescribed number.
2. Exceeding what is necessary or desired; superfluous.

noun:
1. A supernumerary person or thing.
2. An actor without a speaking part, as a walk-on or an extra in a crowd scene.

T to the Madalion 7/18/2008

Pearl Jam
put tatterdemalion on the conveyer belt
to the midwest
where it was bought and paid for
in large sums at lame stores
when goodwill stood and watched
wondering if they smelled bad
or had salad in their respective teeth.

tatterdemalion \tat-uhr-dih-MAYL-yuhn; -MAY-lee-uhn\, noun:
1. A person dressed in tattered or ragged clothing; a ragamuffin.

adjective:
1. Tattered; ragged.

huh 7/17/2008

it was the anodyne
i was looking for the panacia
so I was disappointed
yet not upset about it.

anodyne \AN-uh-dyn\, adjective:
1. Serving to relieve pain; soothing.
2. Not likely to offend; bland; innocuous.

noun:
1. A medicine that relieves pain.
2. Anything that calms, comforts, or soothes disturbed feelings.

poem 101 7/16/2008

prophetic
mephitic
pathetic
I need a medic

alleviate
renumerate
esaserbate
procrastinate

free
me
tree
be

Goodnight
tonight
tomorrow
today


mephitic \muh-FIT-ik\, adjective:
1. Offensive to the smell; as, mephitic odors.
2. Poisonous; noxious.

double entant 7/15/2008

there is no such thing as a fiduciary
when it comes to secrets
only the illusion of a fiduciary
as no secret has ever gone untold
and if it has
there would be no way to prove me wrong
think about that.

fiduciary \fih-DOO-shee-air-ee\, adjective:
1. Relating to the holding of something in trust for another.

noun:
1. Someone who stands in a special relation of trust, confidence, or responsibility in certain obligations to others; a trustee.

over and out 7/14/2008

deciding if my goal of a ferrari
308 GTSI was a lame dream to
be a cool guy like Magnum PI
or a sign of cupidity
or some other word
with a definition I
think doesn't fit the word
like it feels like it should be about
a midget with a bow and arrow
or something more obtuse
and less logical
as if it were thought of
by someone with more energy and wit.

cupidity \kyoo-PID-uh-tee\, noun:
Eager or excessive desire, especially for wealth; greed; avarice.

untitled 7 7/10/08

his face hid no contemn
his words no quarter
for her deeds were done
and with such systematic order
he felt no pain
no wince of dimples
for his mind was steel
and his thinking simple

he was tricked
duped you might say
but walking out the door
he will fight another day.

contemn \kuhn-TEM\, transitive verb:
To regard or treat with disdain or contempt; to scorn; to despise.

Ludacris 7/6/2008

She always wanted,
or more importantly needed
precisly 2 hours of conversation per day
even if an hour and 48 minutes
was simple palaver
or just silence on the phone
either one was ok for her
for me....I could have been
vacuuming, or solving global warming.


palaver \puh-LAV-uhr; puh-LAH-vur\, noun:
1. Idle talk
2. Talk intended to beguile or deceive.
3. A parley usually between persons of different backgrounds or cultures or levels of sophistication; a talk; hence, a public conference and deliberation.

intransitive verb:
1. To talk idly.

transitive verb:
1. To flatter; to cajole.

unknown source of rambling. 7/7/2008

the sensation
anew, aknew
dr. gary gnu
was akin to something familiar
a gustatory tingle
upwards of his tonsils
but south of his eyes
which watering and red
realized that what they just saw
was a fist
a furious fist
with implications ripe with hospital bills and swelling
uncertainty of body image
and whether he would still be
"decent looking" or fall down to
"a nice guy"
over achieving currently
he knew his charm and wit
would only take him so far in this world
a world of large boats, white rimmed glasses
and other things he niether understood nor posessed
a grasp tight enough to embrace
he knew
in that one punch
his dreams were gone


gustatory \GUS-tuh-tor-ee\, adjective:
Of or pertaining to the sense of taste.

Slow Train Coming 6/16/2008

his dilatory attitude and demeanor
was actually a blessing
for being a turtle
he was a master of patience
and the acceptance of needing little
wanting little
and moving slowly.

dilatory \DIL-uh-tor-ee\, adjective:
1. Tending to put off what ought to be done at once; given to procrastination.
2. Marked by procrastination or delay; intended to cause delay; -- said of actions or measures.

JFK and his Day. 6/15/2008

His way may be next to the path
not necessarily on it
his methods may be uniquely logicall
in an illogical way
his laugh is contagious
and his compassion obvious
he cares more for others than himself
and will take on the tough stuff
that may or may not be appreciated in the long run
but will produce a better person or end game
he puts his nose in where it may not be requested
but where it is typically needed
he knows of his way
and has faith in it as one of the right paths
not necessarily the only path
he lets people fail
and helps them succeed
he pushes and pulls
and chases mom around like a 16 year old
in search of his second kiss
he lives each day
and loves his life

I thank him for all of this
not nearly enough
for the part of me that is he
is probably my most redeaming part

he will never need a claque
as all praise he recieves is genuine
and with much merit.

Happy Fathers Day JFK
I appreciate you.


claque \KLACK\, noun:
1. A group hired to applaud at a performance.

BMW 3 series 6/11/2008

In Bloomington
or Brookfield
often thought believes
that a BMW 3 Series
a strached shirt
and a light blue tie
make one a patrician

Later one learns
that is not the case

patrician \puh-TRISH-un\, noun:
1. A member of one of the original citizen families of ancient Rome.
2. A person of high birth; a nobleman.
3. A person of refined upbringing, manners, and taste.

adjective:
1. Of or pertaining to the patrician families of ancient Rome.
2. Of, pertaining to, or appropriate to, a person of high birth; noble; not plebeian.
3. Befitting or characteristic of refined upbringing, manners, and taste.

Oil and lifestlye 6/10/2009

Americanize, American eyes,
view the world from American eyes
bury the past rob us blind
and leave nothing behind

Rage Against the Machine

We live our lives assuming a surfeit
of all we ever will need or use
"I deserve it"
"It is not fair"
We approach times where we will
be tested on our T-shirts and Bumper Stickers
when it comes down to more than talking about it
in a coffee shop over a $5 latte
what will you truly stand for and do?

I wish us all willpower connected to intelligence


surfeit \SUR-fit\, noun:
1. An excessive amount or supply.
2. Overindulgence, as in food or drink.
3. Disgust caused by overindulgence or excess.

transitive verb:
1. To feed or supply to excess.

1000000 cycle cancer cell 6/9/2008

My mission
to be a modern day
raconteur
even if just for my own ego
minds eye preservation of what could be
what might have been
and how it flows to this screen
in words reflecting pain, happiness,
emotions in general that might not
break lips stuck with dry salt
and interlocked chapped skin

but here they can find a home
and reflect what lay inside
which might prosper outside of my body
but would be sure to attack
as a cancer from within

raconteur \rack-on-TUR\, noun:
One who excels in telling stories and anecdotes.

Bromaselzer Eddie Marx style

cousin eddie
one of my favorites
people and stories
business dinner
ate himself into repletion
and forgot about desert
waiters advice
about taking this pill
expansion of ones stomach
he claimed
just enough room
for the double chocolate cake

My idol.


repletion \rih-PLEE-shun\, noun:
1. The condition of being completely filled or supplied.
2. Excessive fullness, as from overeating.

Waconia via glycogen stores 6/5/2008

3 hours after the ordeal
piercing down to see what was munching on my calf
time and time again
it eluded my gaze
realizing in my dissorientation of senses
that there was no minature monster
just a tremulous calf muscle or two
letting me know
that 122 miles of bicycling
is just too much

tremulous \TREM-yuh-luhs\, adjective:
1. Shaking; shivering; quivering; as, a tremulous motion of the hand or the lips; the tremulous leaf of the poplar.
2. Affected with fear or timidity; trembling.

van gough beheaded 6/4/2008

scraped out of a painting
free from judgement
the scene before me
still but hazy from micromotions
nothing moved but thoughts in my head
rumination on unspecific topics
often leads to internal cumbustion
lachrymose souls and heavy hearts
for no one is free from regret
or silent questions

the tears may be from joy
or the sheer beuty of the spectical
as it changes,
and day falls to the feet
we pick it up, put it away
and bring it out in the marrow


lachrymose \LAK-ruh-mohs\, adjective:
1. Generating or shedding tears; given to shedding tears; suffused with tears; tearful.
2. Causing or tending to cause tears.

mexican car crash 6/3/2008

My life,
in the grand scheme of things,
a bagatelle

I value it like the holy grail
the drunk guy in the car
asleep at 75MPH
.2 milliseconds from ending my life
does not share my assessment of mine

but is empowered by his own
and will probably regret taking mine
at some point in his




bagatelle \bag-uh-TEL\, noun:
1. A trifle; a thing of little or no importance.
2. A short, light musical or literary piece.
3. A game played with a cue and balls on an oblong table having cups or arches at one end.

hockey playoffs 6-2-2008

she likes to go to big places
i like to look in small
when you understand the puzzle
a countermand breaks your ear
from the megaphone atop the mound
the mound you have never reached
nor really tried too
why is that.

you follow commands from a pile of dirt
smooth to a shape of a breast without gravity
the climb would be easy for you
but the fear that the commands would stop
and that thought would be your only exit
scares you similar to falling in a dream
knowing you probably won't die
but you still fear for some reason

orders are easy to follow,
always someone to blame

freedom is scary
it is not poison
but tastes of old ale
and sour fruit
to those that hope for mac and cheese



countermand \KOWN-tuhr-mand; kown-tuhr-MAND\, transitive verb:
1. To revoke (a former command); to cancel or rescind by giving an order contrary to one previously given.
2. To recall or order back by a contrary order.

noun:
1. A contrary order.
2. Revocation of a former order or command.

dandee grandee 5/30/2009

some posess it
some are born into it
some fake it
some want it so badly
not all can achieve it
but the few that do
with composure
compassion
and humility

are the only
that are truly
grandee



grandee \gran-DEE\, noun:
1. A man of elevated rank or station.
2. In Spain or Portugal, a nobleman of the first rank.

german hiaku 5/29/2008

a schadenfreude
never have I been nor will
from roots I sprout up

schadenfreude \SHOD-n-froy-duh\, noun:
A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

all forms 5/28/2008

I forgo most of my vices
but it is not a forgone conclusion
that I will always do so
for indulgance is the point
of forgoing
and he who forgoes
when he goes
goes well.


forgo \for-GO\, transitive verb;
Inflected forms: forwent, forgone, forgoing, forgoes:
To abstain from; to do without.

uncle steve 5/27/2008

Uncle steve one ribald mo fo
silver hair,
a laugh that makes you laugh
and a wry sense of what is tasteful
tasteless, and comedic timing
that bordered on just being uncooth
the christmas dinners were always a joy
to see what was going to to wrong.
never an if, always a what.

ribald \RIB-uhld; RY-bawld\, adjective:
1. Characterized by or given to vulgar humor; coarse.

noun:
1. A ribald person; a lewd fellow.

progression of thought words 5/26/2008

hearing the word for the first time
not directly in front of "denied"
is like getting punched in the nose
without that smell
the smell that you are not sure if it is a smell
or just a reaction of your senses that produces
the sensation of a smell
either way, it is so reckognizable
and tough to explain.
I wish I could give you the experience
without having to punch you
for if I did punch you
I would vehemently deny it.

vehement \VEE-uh-muhnt\, adjective:
1. Characterized by intensity of emotions or convictions, or forcefulness of expression.
2. Characterized by or acting with great force or energy; strong.

GOOOAAAALLLLL! 5/23/2008

contact aright
flight bending around closed eyes
and covered jewels
stillness
movement isolated to the ball
and the back netting.

aright \uh-RYT\, adverb:
Rightly; correctly; properly; in a right way or manner.

beggers on dowling 5/22/2008

The offramp on dowling and 94
seemingly sparse of currency
eyes programmed to sad
body slumping
cardboard sign
created to look tattered
made with newly purchased markers
37 cents from 100 people to get home
cadgey and cagey
they get nothing from me.
one of us is going to hell.



cadge \KAJ\, transitive verb:
1. To beg or obtain by begging; to sponge.

intransitive verb:
1. To beg; to sponge.

life on the downslope 5/21/2008

Once an avid Boulevardier
I am nothing more than
an alley cat
drained from my sweet sweet strolls
down a boulevard, of both the city
and the cities women
I now sleep on cardboard
and use playboy magazines for pillows
my only contact with females
crinkles in my ear.

boulevardier \boo-luh-var-DYAY; bul-uh-\, noun:
1. A frequenter of city boulevards, especially in Paris.
2. A sophisticated, worldly, and socially active man; a man who frequents fashionable places; a man-about-town.

Kevin Spacey 5/20/2008

American Beauty
so often a Potemkin village
but seen by many as the panacea
living there will change your mind
and your attitude about symetry
aesthetics and harmony

for all it is the final destination
until they arrive early enough in life
to have life left to savor
but late enough to realize
that leaving might be the best thing they do

Potemkin village \puh-TEM(P)-kin\, noun:
An impressive facade or display that hides an undesirable fact or state; a false front.

highschool bravada on eggos 5/19/2008

His insecure verbal snaps
obtruded into conversation
brown maple syrup
or leaves of green stapled to brown cardboard
all things uneasy to take in
he thought himself tough
stoic and strong

his brashness hid nothing
from us
but his fear of being silent
or found out as not omnipotent


obtrude \uhb-TROOD; ob-\, transitive verb:
1. To thrust out; to push out.
2. To force or impose (one's self, remarks, opinions, etc.) on others with undue insistence or without solicitation.

intransitive verb:
1. To thrust upon a group or upon attention; to intrude.

tirade \TY-raid; tih-RAID\, noun:
A long angry speech; a violent denunciation; a prolonged outburst full of censure or abuse.

latitudinarian \lat-uh-too-din-AIR-ee-un; -tyoo-\, adjective:
1. Having or expressing broad and tolerant views, especially in religious matters.

foot models and lake homes 5/16/2008

The lake, subfusc and still
draining the earth and sky
hording light rays wishing to find pigment
PJ bottoms and off the shoulder wares
with color and fabric smooth upon smooth skin
overlooking the scene
she sits back
tea steeping under cedar shakes
feet elevated, rested heel on kicked off slippers

color seeping out from skin tone on well shaped feet
injected into the cool still lake
the scene remains the same
but her presence converts the ora
from sadness to stillness
from impatience to calm
from anticipation
to arrival.

warm steam comforts her face
as she ponders the day to come
and the life ahead

tea steeped to perfection
one ripple then two
the wind, the day
starting as one.


subfusc \sub-FUHSK\, adjective:
Dark or dull in color; drab, dusky.

misread 5/15/2008

wanna be paean
facial tension prevents it
inner emotion

paean \PEE-uhn\, noun:
1. A joyous song of praise, triumph, or thanksgiving.
2. An expression of praise or joy.

LK MTKA 5/14/2008

An emu bound by fetter
to the lower extremity
of the groom to be
Lord Fletchers
looked smilingly upon us
maybe due to my mauve polo shirt
and apperance of money


fetter \FET-uhr\, noun:
1. A chain or shackle for the feet; a bond; a shackle.
2. Anything that confines or restrains; a restraint.

transitive verb:
1. To put fetters upon; to shackle or confine.
2. To restrain from progress or action; to impose restraints on; to confine.

wavy mirror 5/13/2008

the umbrage of an insecure soul
is typically nothing more than a mirror
reflecting what is wrong within
projection of vital imagery
lost on another soul
energy misplaced without
where within starves
for the light clarity of presence
thought
and solvation of salvation

umbrage \UHM-brij\, noun:
1. Shade; shadow; hence, something that affords a shade, as a screen of trees or foliage.
2. a. A vague or indistinct indication or suggestion; a hint.
3. b. Reason for doubt; suspicion.
4. Suspicion of injury or wrong; offense; resentment.

round about 5/12/2008

everyone could see thru her stalling methods
her frivolous cavils based shouting distance
away from any grip on reality
amused us all
even though we knew them to be obtuse
even questionable ethically
we internally smiled
for we did not want to go
to epcot center either

cavil \KAV-uhl\, intransitive verb:
1. To raise trivial or frivolous objections; to find fault without good reason.

transitive verb:
1. To raise trivial objections to.

noun:
1. A trivial or frivolous objection.

Annie K 5/11/2008

Leaves rocking to earth
whisping edges curl winds brow
rocking on the porch
her acumen apparent to all
heart beats for all who breathe
goodness and just
her smile of approval
all a son could ever hope for
her faith in her men on this earth
the only gift we could ever seek
she is a rock and a pillow
she is my mother.

acumen \uh-KYOO-muhn; AK-yuh-muhn\, noun:
Quickness of perception or discernment; shrewdness shown by keen insight.

plagerism of soul 5/7/2008

seeing the blatent plagerism
of his song and inner pain
he wonders
is the bandit contrite
would he be if he knew
for one minute the muse of the song

for stealing that which describes
something he will never know
the pain of his song will never
fill the void in his songbook
the hole in his ability
nor the vacancy of his soul

words do not invoke emotion
preciesly the opposite

contrite \KON-tryt; kuhn-TRYT\, adjective:
1. Deeply affected with grief and regret for having done wrong; penitent; as, "a contrite sinner."
2. Expressing or arising from contrition; as, "contrite words."

Happy Birthday MZ 5/6/2008

She is an amalgam
of substances foreign to me
of kindness and tempered steel
a sharp edge on a surgeons knife
a finely ground optic on an astronomers lens
insight without condescension
freedom within a cage
existence without a source
she flows like a river from snow flakes
to the point of least resistance
subtle beauty and gentleness only limited
by the amount of personal contact she can have

of men, women, children she knows of love
giving to a point difficult to match
wanting to be fulfilled
mixing of substances foreign to me
but I am no alchemist


amalgam \uh-MAL-guhm\, noun:
1. An alloy of mercury with another metal or metals; used especially (with silver) as a dental filling.
2. A mixture or compound of different things.

left of guthrie 5/1/2008

his cloy existance
to outsiders
a thing of jealousy
only led to emptiness
and a void
of meaning
and worth


cloy \KLOY\, transitive verb:
1. To weary by excess, especially of sweetness, richness, pleasure, etc.

intransitive verb:
1. To become distasteful through an excess usually of something originally pleasing.

King of Prussia 4/30/2008

known for his lenity
the fearless leader
knew of wrath, or vengance, of mastery
but only when needed
his power was through his ability
to be common to the commoner
royalty to the royalty
and ruthless to the ruthless




lenity \LEN-uh-tee\, noun:
The state or quality of being lenient; mildness; gentleness of treatment; leniency.

johnny cash 4/29/2008

Johnny Cash
when he spoke
every word had meaning
none of his actions or deeds were a gimcrack
he never used 7 words when he could use 2
never overstated or underhanded
level, straight, direct

he wore black for all the desperate souls
why be happy with so much dispair
why not.


gimcrack \JIM-krak\, noun:
1. A showy but useless or worthless object; a gewgaw.

adjective:
1. Tastelessly showy; cheap; gaudy.

James wilkes Booth V2 4/28/2008

pages in a maelstrom
flashing before your minds eye
faster than you can make out
but slow enough to understand the contents

fear is justified
but uncertain where to direct it
uncertainty mixed with fear is unpleasant

frozen from action
waiting for the impending doom

not sure what to fear
your mind will ensure you
put something in the box

but your mind also knows it is probably wrong
all assasins have 3 names
and are always caught

people like boogy men.
I prefer the box to be empty

maelstrom \MAYL-struhm\, noun:
1. A large, powerful, or destructive whirlpool.
2. Something resembling a maelstrom; a violent, disordered, or turbulent state of affairs.

B-day confusion 4/27/2008

Continually I posit
my stance in life
even with the knowledge
I have and will change
with new readings or thoughts
old proverbs or quotes
my own postulations
which others have had before me
and others will have after me

I still think I am unique
at least I know I am 35

posit \POZ-it\, transitive verb:
1. To assume as real or conceded.
2. To propose as an explanation; to suggest.
3. To dispose or set firmly or fixedly.

ubiquitous \yoo-BIK-wih-tuhs\, adjective:
Existing or being everywhere, or in all places, at the same time.

Jason Allen Bauer 4/22/2008

an easy birth
an easy boy

that is what we hope, he is easy

his mom and dad and the rest of us
lionize him as we should

his brothers and sister want to talk to him on the phone
as they should

maybe the world will someday do the same,
lionize him.
for some great feat of humaitarianism
or winning the superbowl
or just being a great child,
a unique individual
and a stand up man

time will tell.


lionize \LY-uh-nyz\, transitive verb:
To treat or regard as an object of great interest or importance.

Chimera in disguise 4/21/2008

The tail swafting behind the silk pants
should have been a dead give away
but I thought she would change
she hid it so well at times
others the scales and goat hair
were left on my couch,
my clothes and sometimes appeard
in my stool

I always thought that was wierd

I held on tight like they do in the dragon movies
but I was bucked from my preverbial steed

the burning blasts of verbal fire
the rear leg kicks to the melon
and the wip of the tail

I will not miss
but ironically

I miss her.

chimera \ky-MIR-uh\, noun:
1. (Capitalized) A fire-breathing she-monster represented as having a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail.
2. Any imaginary monster made up of grotesquely incongruous parts.
3. An illusion or mental fabrication; a grotesque product of the imagination.
4. An individual, organ, or part consisting of tissues of diverse genetic constitution, produced as a result of organ transplant, grafting, or genetic engineering.

Lady of the lowlands 4/18/2008

She apologized for everything
for everyone
her inveigle attitude
wore me down
the condescending insult of my intelligence
was more offensive than the patranizing tone
or the illogical apology
I slammed your hip in the door
don't apologize to me
I know I did it.

inveigle \in-VAY-guhl; -VEE-\, transitive verb:
1. To persuade by ingenuity or flattery; to entice.
2. To obtain by ingenuity or flattery.

Declan of St. Cloud 4/17/2008

Illogical behavior is not limited to TSA employees
As I once thought it was

The guy next to me
The lady in front of me
In life or in line

Logic makes life difficult
Life follows not logic nor reason
Just an undefined path changing at will
Prediction is an ego myth we think we grasp
Understanding the future makes us feel secure
Understanding nothing feels empty
Although that is all that is real
We take data in,
Process,
And try our best
That is all we know.

The only prediction I can make
Is that my Irish friend Declan
Is honest when he says.
"I love to love"
some say it is roistering
I say it is love

roister \ROY-stur\, intransitive verb:
1. To engage in boisterous merrymaking; to revel; to carouse.
2. To bluster; to swagger.

awareness 4/15/2008

Putting people on pedestals
or looking up at someone so hard your neck can tire
can breed a miarsma that some never realize they are in
you want to please you want to be loved
you want something from them
and in return you give away your abilities
to percieve yourself and your actions
in the framework of your life
you are blind because your will
can easily outbox your sense of self
your belief that you can become something through them
can easily outweigh your belief in yourself without outside afformation

it is not the act of putting someone on a pedestal that is misleading
it is forgetting that fact.

awareness

PS taxes suck.


miasma \my-AZ-muh; mee-\, noun:
1. A vaporous exhalation (as of marshes or putrid matter) formerly thought to cause disease; broadly, a thick vaporous atmosphere or emanation.
2. A harmful or corrupting atmosphere or influence; also, an atmosphere that obscures; a fog.