no energy 12/31/2007

halibut pre-cased
directions unclear
boil it? can that be?
in the package or out?
water in pot, halibut in pot
stove on
boredom
hey I need to take a shower
return to find decimated halibut
no match for the ebullient scalding cauldron
what a mess
this stove sucks
I am hungry
yum decimated halibut, venisen sausage, pepper jack cheese, crackers.

ebullient \ih-BUL-yuhnt\, adjective:
1. Overflowing with enthusiasm or excitement; high-spirited.
2. Boiling up or over.

Tony's 35th B-day 12/30/2007

expecting a chill
or a breeze of brisk air
not sure if I need a scarf
or some warmer clothes to wear

I show up at 6 (am)
3 cars in the corner of the lot
head lamp switched on
wondering into, what I have got

the run starts off steep
up, up and up some more
the footing uncertian
making it much more of a chore

in the corner of my eyes
the sweat starts to stay
hardening from the gelid wind
which won't go away

back at the cars at 7:05
finished with a run before most awake
driving home with a sense of self
7 miles done, the rest of the day to take


gelid \JEL-id\, adjective:
Extremely cold; icy.

derailed train of thought 12/29/2007

Twas the night before new years
and all through the house
not a person was stirring
unless you count my bibulous uncle bob who is a bastard and cheated on my aunt with a stewartess (sorry flight attendant) from clevlend with a mustache and a mullet in the chemical toilet bathroom of a midwest airline flight from chicago to minneapolis and got caught by my nieghbor larry when he broke down the door because he was violently ill with food poisoning from the saliburry steak he bought for $8 on a flight he already paid $400 for.
blah blah blah

happy new year.


bibulous \BIB-yuh-luhs\, adjective:
1. Of, pertaining to, marked by, or given to the consumption of alcoholic drink.
2. Readily absorbing fluids or moisture.

Ice breaker 12/28/2007

my persona,
a multifarious collection
collection of parts of people
parts of people I have come in contact with
noticing the good in others
the "hey I wish i was like that"
the jealous envy,
energy possibly wasted on defeating thought
transferred into clever theft

I am my surroundings
I am becoming my best friends
my parents, my collegues,
my teachers, my pets

noticable change is slowed
a numbers game
but still noticable none the less
tomorrow I hope to be different than today
to not judge my difference
to allow myself to be wrong
and go from there.



multifarious \muhl-tuh-FAIR-ee-uhs\, adjective:
Having great diversity or variety; of various kinds; diversified.

Mirror of Denial 12/27/2007

gnomic lake
reflection of yourself
rippled tides
skipping limestone
ice crystals
obstacles in your self image
the lake will never make you more
change you, add to you.
conditions change
the view can be distorted
but on a calm day
that is you.


gnomic \NOH-mik\, adjective:
Uttering, containing, or characterized by maxims; wise and pithy.

The Trail 12/26/2007

At times simply gravel
or covered in snow
ruts from rainfall
or lit from moons glow

an hour at a time
a hermatige of sorts
my thoughts can roam freely
without rebutals or retorts

I go there to shape
my body and mind
fast forward to the future
or maybe stop, and rewind

I sometimes go myself
sometimes with a friend
no matter how it starts
I feel better at the end


hermitage \HUHR-muh-tij\, noun:
1. The habitation of a hermit or group of hermits.
2. A monastery or abbey.
3. A secluded residence; a retreat; a hideaway.
4. (Capitalized) A palace in St. Petersburg, now an art museum.

Lazy haiku 12/25/2007

My benifaction
transpired with reaction
my satisfaction


benefaction \BEN-uh-fak-shuhn; ben-uh-FAK-shuhn\, noun:
1. The act of conferring a benefit.
2. A benefit conferred; especially, a charitable donation.

No Quarry for old men 12/24/2007

what once was glorious amity
fell apart with such rare calamity
due to my misuse of profanity

friends we were once so good
never thinking that either ever could
say something that would be misunderstood

walking away at the end of the night
coming oh so close to an all out fist fight
we both felt that we had done nothing but right

so that ends this confusing story
where no one wins, and there is no glory
but the other guy found himself dead in a quarry

amity \AM-uh-tee\, noun:
Friendship; friendly relations, especially between nations.

vocabulary revisited 12/23/2007

In an attempt to camouflage
my laborious persiflage
I used words like abhore, and abscond

though neither that big of a word
I chirped them out like a stuttering bird
to impress the lingering blonde

she laughed and giggled
and her buttom briefly jiggled
in a way that made me feel fond

a witty joke and an unnoticed pun
painfully close to a sienfeld rerun
her jewelery shiny like polished debond

a mental big fish I was growing to be
hoping the puddle was deep enough for me
telling myself that we had some sort of bond

parting ways at the end of the night
both wondering why it didn't go right
walking home under the hat that I donned

If only she had taken the time
to learn something past grade nine
we could have had a reason to correspond



persiflage \PUR-suh-flahzh\, noun:
Frivolous or bantering talk; a frivolous manner of treating any subject, whether serious or otherwise; light raillery.

The Shag 12/22/2007

Local watering hole
the foundry
not much created or made there
unless you count bad decisions

sitting with pat and patty
one of them my date, the other my best friend
my hair a topic of discussion
unrelenting calumny from Patrick
every one knows the difference between a shag and a mullet
but she believed I rocked the mullet....

we all know it was the shag....
equal length on all sides...
patty is gone, married I think
the shag still here
along with Patrick
his calumny still his best trait.

calumny \KAL-uhm-nee\, noun:
1. False accusation of a crime or offense, intended to injure another's reputation.
2. Malicious misrepresentation; slander.

Standing by Socks 12/21/2007

Dad with his finical demands
always followed by silly repremands
of what was not but should have been done
like shaking icy trees, or scraping of soap scum
or maybe shoveling the back yard or putting dirt in a barrel
by me, my brother, my sisters christy and carol
never making complete sense to my cerreberal mind
but knowing refusal would not only be dumb but unkind
his enginuity was something to admire
like a parenting consultant for hire
always creating new ways to teach or punish
I am now well versed and prepared to admonish


finical \FIN-ih-kuhl\, adjective:
Extremely or unduly particular in standards or taste; fastidious; finicky.

Jungle Walk 12/20/2007

uneasy feeling
tightening of normally relaxed shoulders
internal tocsin
noticed but unheeded
one more step forward
then another
breaching and then breaching again
into a space you don't belong
or don't feel you belong
waiting for the ground to fall out below
or the sky to turn red
for the band of monkeys trained in karate
or the 3 legged snakes of death
but nothing comes
trusting your gut
but moveing forward anyway
one of you is wrong

tocsin \TOCK-sin\, noun:
1. An alarm bell, or the ringing of a bell for the purpose of alarm.
2. A warning.

Al Gores Nightmare 12/19/2007

The internet
a discursive look into most anything
friendships, business interminglings,
personal affairs,

the medium is developed
is developing

better ways to track your friends,
your business contacts, your "hottness"


Raindrops of impersonal contact
will never make up for a waterfall of personal attention
keeping 100 balls in the air is cool
makes you feel needed, connected,

but to what

log in hourly to see if you have 37 friends,
the widely accepted number needed to fit in.

the trees of the forest wonder
the animals on your floor wait
the path through the park hopes

for your return.


discursive \dis-KUR-siv\, adjective:
1. Passing from one topic to another; ranging over a wide field; digressive; rambling.
2. Utilizing, marked by, or based on analytical reasoning -- contrasted with intuitive.

Amazon Departure 12/18/2007

Mosquitos on the river
golden film in shallows
proper tension
landing zone

My canoe
slithers through murky water
like an anacanda...
slithers through the.....
murky....
water....

damn I hate that when I do that
great metaphor
good one

My canoe
slithers like an anaconda
through the murky waters
paddle strokes
pierce the surface pari passu
mind and gaze straight ahead

the drips off the paddles
and the splitting of the liquid
are the only sounds I can hear
above the approaching mosquitos
and the vanishing past.


pari passu \PAIR-ee-PASS-oo; PAIR-ih-PASS-oo\, adverb:
At an equal pace or rate.

Westward Daydream 12/17/2007

demanding what one is unprepared for
opening libations not ready to imbibe

East of Colorado and west of Ohio the landscape flattens
the dance of life gets focused to 2 genres
square and line dancing
both great enterprises
but do not encompass the realm of possibilities
some people know they want to dance
but their bodies move to different music
in different ways

unfledged, but only for current surroundings
mental or geographical, I am not sure

with a gentle up breeze of warm air
from the woods of Yellowstone
ones first flight can be joyful

With a cold down draft of frigid air
from the rooftop of Woodbury
the feeling can be quite different

in Yellowstone no one cares if you fly
only that you do what feels right for you

in Woodbury, the streets are filled
crossed arms and expectations
the roof slippery from frost
the glares hide nothing
it is time to fly...
now


Flights to San Fransisco $650


unfledged \uhn-FLEJD\, adjective:
1. Lacking the feathers necessary for flight.
2. Not fully developed; immature.

4.5H Mercury 12/16/2007

So many lack
many with knowledge of that void
many without

waiting for that complement
for that plug that retains,
the plug that threads into the corse tapped hole
at the bottom of the boat
the tapped hole
filled with algae, pine needles, and mud
mud that was dirt on a wisconsin driveway
and now 437 miles away
through gas stations
car rides and short walks
wieghted down by luggage
it arrived here in this boat
just add water

the drain plug is not magic,
it is usually aluminum
it is cast
and it is easy to get anywhere
in life others can go to the store and get you one
in reality only you have that ability
and like magic
without a trip to ace.

complement \KOM-pluh-muhnt\, noun:
1. Something that fills up or completes.
2. The quantity or number required to make up a whole or to make something complete.
3. One of two parts that complete a whole or mutually complete each other; a counterpart.

What would Bill Clinton do? 12/15/2007

Shaving in the mirror
electric razor buzzing under a rainfall of Neil Young
mind blurring between the image of myself
red underwear from Germany, world cup
wife beater, and wet mop of curls
and the thought that Neil just used the word "drag"
and the following thought about Miles Davis
and his album "the rebirth of cool"

The word drag, such a lame word
goody goody boys used it instead of "sucks"
or "sucks ass" or "blows"
But not Neil, he can make it so cool
damn that was deep
i think to myself

Then I think I could make a miracle out of a dog eating a turkey sandwhich

like my mind can meld anything to be whatever I want it to be
I guess who can't....

returning to the present, I take another look in the mirror
a draconian assesment of my physique, my hair, and the wrinkles around my nose
I take a similar stance on what I will be able to write using the word draconian
but at this point I don't know this is the word.
All I know is I need put pants on,
and mention Neil Young and Miles davis

I sit here, pants on
mission accomplished.



draconian \dray-KOHN-ee-uhn; druh-\, adjective:
1. Pertaining to Draco, a lawgiver of Athens, 621 B.C.
2. Excessively harsh; severe.

Oxyginated 12/14/2007

My heart once a fortress
used only for pumping blood
and maintaining life
my life
my goals
my desires
trained and strengthened
to beat fast or slow
to maintain oxygen
maintain all the stupid parts of my body

My heart with 3 chambers,
highways both inwards and out
arteries and veins
two types of pressure
niether do I understand
electrical currents that stimulate action
millions of times a year

My heart the source of my life
the engine.
something I never had to think about
a steady beating in my chest,
felt in my neck or wrist
doctors infer things from my pulse
wheather I am ok, or "healthy"

All it took was one woman
to come and then to go
like a single heart beat

My heart, the other one
the one that is frangible
the one that beats for someone else
that maintains something other than
my carcus, my framework
that won't help my eyes focus
but may help me see more clearly
that won't strengthen my grasp
but may put meaning in a hug
that won't be found by a doctor
but may be seen clearly by a friend or a child

My heart, the prime example
of the dichotomy between
what is real, and what is real.


frangible \FRAN-juh-buhl\, adjective:
Capable of being broken; brittle; fragile; easily broken.

43 and counting 12/13/2007

the cacophony inside my head
pressurizes the cavity
ear wax, tears, breath
exiting unexpectedly
not without searing anxiety
looking out to the beauty of nature
looking in to the ugliness
winding tension bleeds
organs squeezed and rinsed
toxins wander lost in the body
waiting for an exit
or re-absorption
in the brain

cacophony \kuh-KAH-fuh-nee\, noun:
1. Harsh or discordant sound; dissonance.
2. The use of harsh or discordant sounds in literary composition.

Pedestrian vs. Automobile 12/12/2007

yoke broken
sliding down both sides of the pan
white bubbles, one you might still eat
regaining conciseness
finding yourself in the elevator
with 5 buttons pushed
realizing you pushed them all
the businessmen in the elevator
express their concern with your dishabille
but only through their expressions
little do they know that the extent
goes much deeper than the jelly sandles
wife beater and zubas

assuming you have something planned,
or that you are late for,
on the 7th floor,
you exit.
nothing registers, so you sit in the waiting room
Milvitz, Gallo, Milvitz, and Milvitz


after reading some of the literature,
and listening to the screams of the people sitting next to you
you realize that you are profusely bleeding
and have a broken arm....
maybe the elevator looks weren't about the zubas
makes a bit more sense now.


dishabille \dis-uh-BEEL\, noun:
1. The state of being carelessly or partially dressed.
2. Casual or lounging attire.
3. An intentionally careless or casual manner.

California Dreaming 12/11/2007

I drank her down,
one motion, green as if diseased
but none the less I drank her down
she was my father before she was not
she became my mother,
the one I see in pictures but don't recall

the cloud became us all
an artifice I still deny
with wind and water we are stretched
leaving my sight, becoming my sight
the gulp technically still running through this body I claim as my own
but long gone am I
with my family
we pick up speed, cross north dakota
and head west, to where our kind are accepted
even renowned.

eventually this body will micterate out the green,
somehow now yellow liquid
after stripping away anything useful
that same body will return to this computer, and work on things
so mundane that it will become insanely jealous of the successful
escape that happened 4 minutes ago.
the cloud becomes cloud cover,
and the possibilities
become infinite.


artifice \AR-tuh-fis\, noun:
1. Cleverness or skill; ingenuity; inventiveness.
2. An ingenious or artful device or expedient.
3. An artful trick or stratagem.
4. Trickery; craftiness; insincere or deceptive behavior.

Thanks for Life by JFK 2005 (written by my dad)

Thank you to all the people who have entered into my life
all who have crossed my path
played with me and laughed
and made my life so beutiful

thanks to anni who I love too much
I am who I am, because I have someone like her I can count on to always love me
one friend to make me whole and worth while
one lover, one lover again and again

thanks for my projects that I helped with and did
there is great joy in living in and around your accomplishments
the appreciation of being able to help somone and be thanked for your gift
the reward that you are successful with your talents when you couldn't quite measure up to others in theirs

Thanks for all of the stuff I purchased over the years
many things we could have done without
but stuff is what I play with and use
thank you for allowing me all of this happiness

thanks for allowing me to teach and coach
the memories are priceless and the rewards just keep coming
the pictures of that time in life bring me happiness
I never believed I could ive up to others until I finished my career

Thanks for letting me be an adult equal to those I looked up too.
Everyone always seemed to be smarter or better in some way
I just kept working hard each day trying not to fail
now I look back on some of my accomplishments and smile
thank you for a special gift and letting me find myself

thank you for all the people I have forgotten who gave me a chance to have a good life
the people who defended me and protected me, who taught me and shared thier values
the people who managed thier lives poorly and sang sad songs and made movies because I learned alot from watching and listening
thanks for everyting I use but did not create
I have enjoyed the roads, parks, cars, and the list goes on

thank you for god, faith, and church
for anni, her family and our religious friends
thanks for nature and all of gods creations
I love life and all its gifts

Thanks for my children and grandchildren whom I love totally
there is a joy each one brings me
I hope I told them "I love you" enough and proved it to them daily
I love each one. they make me feel like thier best friend

thanks for my parents and my family
they have given me more than I realilze
once I became a parent I realized how much my parents must have loved me.
Each child is so unique and so loved
thanks for my relatives on both sides of our marriage, they are all important to who we are as family

thanks for my health and energy
there is so little time and so much to do
Retirement was a suprise and so much appreciated
Its like being in college with money and no classes
Thanks for my life, I did not do it alone.

Poem I found cleaning my room tonight, written in 1998 I think

Winding down wisdoms gravel road
not much is apparent
focus is easily lost
how did I pick this car?
this road?
this day?
Do I actually get somewhere?
Or just wake up again, late for work
Shit, that was close, what was that deer thinking?
The course dusty gravel makes dodging animals difficult
I should have taken that left on experience
I think it was paved.

I dangle my thoughts on a line
and cast them into the wake
the undertow will carry me back
until I am no longer gone.

knowledge 12/10/2007

My soul the bark
growing through cracks and weather
protecting the space and grain
known to me as me
growth up and out
reaching for new air
grasping, fighting parts of yourself for sun
not wanting rain, knowing it is enevitable
dew is ok, mist fine, but rain is truth
drops pound down piercing leaves with cutting loss
denial gives way to perspicacity
She is gone


perspicacity \pur-spuh-KAS-uh-tee\, noun:
Clearness of understanding or insight; penetration, discernment.

Great America 12/09/2007

rollercoaster, the wooden type
square feeling turns,
smooth rise and falls
engineered without computers

which is the proper exhilaration mode
knowing death is a possible outcome
or just worrying about the thrill of the ride
I would rather not have to worry at all about the structure
the foundation

is rapprochement possible after so much is known
known about the rusting bolts,
the rotting, aging wood
painting it white fools no one,
or at least not me

Trust and forgiveness
two keys to a fun ride
an experince you want over and over again
if it was set up for the week by a guy named Rolf
skip it, eat some wings, and move on.


rapprochement \rap-rosh-MAWN\, noun:
The establishment or state of cordial relations.

JR 12/08/2007

The John Kennedy of Minneapolis
what characteristics would that person have?
snappy dresser, thick hair, smooth but not dull
over assesment of his piloting skills, standing on a pedestal
above the masses, huddled and of the female majority
if that were me, who would be the me of Minneapolis
who would pay my mortgage, and check my mail?
who would write these poems?
who wold read them?

I may try out johns life for a while,
see if it fits.

Neils assistance 12/08/07

Get out of town
I think I will get out of town

looking at myself in the mirror
local watering hole
two tone guiness cascades both directions
mendicant women and boastful lads
both tan beyond the suns rays
both in need of something from me
all of these people think they have it made
but I would not buy, sell, borrow, or trade
anything I have
to be like one of them
I think I will just start all over again

get out of town
I think I will get out of town

a shelf breaks off from the glacier
droping into the ocean
hiding 90% of its body and its thoughts
slowly floating away, slowly melting
soon to join the other side of conformity
trying to leave one cast,
only to find the inevitability of another
trying to be original, free
impossible I say, everything is a comparison
nothing exists without a label and an oppsite
in a vacuum, who would I be?

get out of town
I think I will get out of town

Packing and unpacking
fighting between surrender and a spartans fate
there really is no battle, there is nothing to win
nothing to attain

get out of town
I think I will get out of town



mendicant \MEN-dih-kunt\, noun:
1. A beggar; especially, one who makes a business of begging.
2. A member of an order of friars forbidden to acquire landed property and required to be supported by alms.

adjective:
1. Practicing beggary; begging; living on alms; as, mendicant friars.

Green Tea 12/07/2007

audible landing in ones mind
silently floating down
through amber spiral
from above, surly, almost meanicing
mood changes with deepening color
clay peter pans heat
the room, the poor
the water, the rich
turbulance ceases, flakes lie still on sea bed
smoke stack in autumn, not yet winter
waves of white
healing warmth
I can't define "properly steeped"
but I know now
it is ready.


surly \SUR-lee\, adjective:
1. Ill-humored; churlish in manner or mood; sullen and gruff.
2. Menacing or threatening in appearance, as of weather conditions; ominous.

Heads or Tails 12/06/2007

Green and red, metalic dandruff purpusfully placed
uncles telling stories of how george bush cost them thier jobs
an unknown relative sitting uncomfortably close
asking you questions about school, your views,
on socialized medicine

uneasy from the attention, the false sense of interest
grandstanding questions at the table from the new in law,
like a rookie sports reporter droping names to show knowledge
adding nothing to the clarification of the question
I am not sure if there is a question in there

Deracinate my thoughts from thier comfortable landing zone
under the glowing pine tree that underwent a similar experience
re-plant them in the unstable slope of the closing darkness
the windowless room, cold, damp, shrinking
the taste of rust and the forshadow of regret

Evil will be done tonight, no one in the room will know or suspect a thing
geleton seeps from mouths corners, ediquite has been forgotten
or possibly never learned
Chew with your mouth closed, be patient, listen
saliva slapping against banana and cheek

Maybe uncle joe can tell what I am planning
he always seemed to know what I was about to do,
like he could forsee it
As if he could read my mind through my eyes,
he is looking at me.

think about turkey, think about turkey, think about turkey.


deracinate \dee-RAS-uh-nayt\, transitive verb:
1. To pluck up by the roots; to uproot.
2. To displace from one's native or accustomed environment.

December Precipitation 12/04/2007

"I have eight inches"
a common tarradiddle
A winter snow storm


tarradiddle \tair-uh-DID-uhl\, noun:
1. A petty falsehood; a fib.
2. Pretentious nonsense.

Used Car salesman 12/04/2007

profuse compliments and slick hair
watch your wallet and your heart, stay aware
scenery pleasant, aroma as well
he will take you to heaven, but leave you in hell
hinging on your weakness your need to hear praise
giving you the attention and that puppy dog gaze
asking many questions seemingly concerned
not realizing your a victim about to be burned
remind yourself, that all actions are self motivated
realizing this, your self confidence rejuvenated
slowly smile, turn, and walk away
save your money, and your heart, for another day


profuse \pruh-FYOOS; proh-\, adjective:
1. Pouring forth with fullness or exuberance; giving or given liberally and abundantly; extravagant.
2. Exhibiting great abundance; plentiful; copious; bountiful.

75 minutes in burma 12/3/2007

sweating and trembling
slippery mat, blue like toilet bowl cleaner
towel absorbs clean fuel streams
soporific legs responding badly
gaze towards disjointed mirror
form poor
balance worse
crescent lunge


soporific \sop-uh-RIF-ik; soh-puh-\, adjective:
1. Causing sleep; tending to cause sleep.
2. Of, relating to, or characterized by sleepiness or lethargy.

Fribby Revisited 12/02/2007

Im down in LA,
keeping a tortoise alive
while up in st. cloud
its half past five

my vicissitude mirrors my goal
always keep one step ahead
but the turtle has other concerns
will I end up alive or will I end up dead

I look up from the sand
how do I save him from this beach
everything I have ever wanted
always just inches out of reach

I have never met another
who could endanger so many lives
I have an uncanny talent
to close every set of eyes

I just want to help
but can never stop the pain
all the karma I collect
seems to slip down the drain

To all you critiques
on the other side of the lens
spouting your mouth
while your life upends

I ask that you slowly
turn your judging gaze away
and let me and my tortoise
find peace as we leave this day


vicissitude \vih-SIS-ih-tood; -tyood\, noun:
1. Regular change or succession from one thing to another; alternation; mutual succession; interchange.
2. Irregular change; revolution; mutation.
3. A change in condition or fortune; an instance of mutability in life or nature (especially successive alternation from one condition to another).

Ewin MacGregor 12/01/2007

GS cavalcade
Steel horses ride as one
thunder approaching

cavalcade \kav-uhl-KAYD; KAV-uhl-kayd\, noun:
1. A procession of riders or horse-drawn carriages.
2. Any procession.
3. A sequence; a series.

trailer hitch 11/30/2007

often shook
rust laden grappling hook
onlookers slow and gaze to roadside

It typically disagrees instead of abides
resting on stable frame it relies
malapropos when you need it most

shin stitches, stubbed toes
trailer hitch


malapropos \mal-ap-ruh-POH\, adjective:
1. Unseasonable; unsuitable; inappropriate.

adverb:
1. In an inappropriate or inopportune manner; unseasonably.

Trois-par-Huit

The Trois-par-Huit was created by Lorraine M. Kanter.

Trois-par-Huit (Three-by-Eight or Octa-Tri for short), a poem containing three stanzas of 3, 3
and 2 lines OR 3, 2 and 3 lines: 8 lines total with a syllable count of 3, 6, 9, 12, 12, 9, 6, 3.
The rhyming pattern is AAB BBC CC where the last line is the title of the poem and summarizes
the meaning of the poem. *Note: These poems are to appear center aligned.

Why I love Bob Dylan

I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
Bob Dylan

I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.
Bob Dylan

the stand off 11/28/2007

Twas at dawn that I became aware
of her sleepless steel piercing glare
clearing night and blood from my eyes
my grip slipping from the loose hold
Eyes rendering the truth they told

She was once gold, now phosphorus
her deeds and words incongruous
exposed to the air i ignite
mental lobes burning from the heat
soaring rabidly to my feet
sanity gone, taken to flight

This can't be right, she loves me so
one final blow, confirms my plight


incongruous \in-KONG-groo-us\, adjective:
1. Lacking in harmony, compatibility, or appropriateness.
2. Inconsistent with reason, logic, or common sense.

Jeffreys Sonnet
A Jeffreys Sonnet was created by Scott J. Alcorn. It is isosyllabic (only 8 syllable per line),
2 sestets with a cross rhymed couplet (the cross rhyme is in the 2nd to 4th syllable in each of the
two lines of the couplet). Also there is a cross rhyme in the first line of the 2nd sestet (between
the 2nd to 4th syllable), tying the 1st sestet to the 2nd. So the rhyme scheme would be: aabccb,
(b)ddeffe, (e)g (g)e. The letters in ( ) are the cross rhymes.

Nikki 6

You have everything
There is nothing to attain!

I never win 11/27/2007

The hand dealt
the life lead
the choices you think you didn't have
the inevitability of your bad luck
kvetching to all at all times
how you will never succeed
never make it
because it was never up to you

your decisions are yours
stop telling me about why you can't
I will gladly listen to why you can
and will


kvetch \KVECH\, adjective:
1. To complain habitually.

noun:
1. A complaint.
2. A habitual complainer.

Independance 11/26/2007

I am foundling
I will make it
I need help here
get me to my feet
feed me, teach me, point me straight
I can take care of the rest

foundling \FOWND-ling\, noun:
A deserted or abandoned infant; a child found without a parent or caretaker.

Trailer Park Enevitability 11/25/2007

Leaves screaming on recumbent branches
rooves seperating from thier joists
frisbee shingles decapitating corn stalks
crowded basements and door jams
glass and dreams shattering
frightened children
lost possessions
Tornado



recumbent \rih-KUM-bunt\, adjective:
1. Reclining; lying down.
2. Resting; inactive; idle.

Trieptefan 11/24/2007

weighted lids of death
somniferous siren song
return is doubtful

somniferous \som-NIF-uhr-uhs\, adjective:
Causing or inducing sleep.

Mother Dearest 11/23/2007

Before you speak, Think....

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

wise words from My mom written in a note to herself on her desk.

Toilet Bowl 1999 11/23/07

Diving for the flag
twisting for elusive purposes
The big game
annual and postprandial
slipping she falls,
nose broken, eyes watering
her age 73
my age 26
blood and ambulance ride await her
guilty looks await me
even my teammates are displeased
down by 5, I had no choice
competition knows no age

(seriously I never came close, she slipped on her own- but that story makes for poor poetry...not that this version is any better)

postprandial \post-PRAN-dee-uhl\, adjective:
Happening or done after a meal.

The Dance at $160/hour 11/22/2007

Deipnosophist
Psychiatrist

on high you sing your song
But I have done no wrong

recoil your verbal fist
remove me from your list

I was here but now Im gone
your health is not for long

As I pass your receptionist
and give her one final kiss

your face becomes oblong
diagnosis was oh so wrong

Deipnosophist
Psychiatrist


deipnosophist \dyp-NOS-uh-fist\, noun:
Someone who is skilled in table talk.

clambaker 11/21/2007

Well dressed, and clean cut
exterior shell of cloaked confidence
the wiseacre of the group
wanting credit for races unfinished
looking to create an impression
positioning himself like a politician
taking no stands, making no statements
waiting for an opportunity to be loud
to jump on or off the bandwagon
depending on the crowds reaction
manilla with no dye or pigment
hugging the largest rock in site
life will work out fine for this man
our society does not penalize unoriginality.


wiseacre \WY-zay-kuhr\, noun:
One who pretends to knowledge or cleverness; a would-be wise person; a smart aleck.

Unity 11/20/2007

Nervousness
preparing for the unknown is futile
the plan always changes
adjusting to the situation
setback's, interuptions, and onlookers
obstacles in your approach
friendly smile and an introduction
she doesn't remember you
one way connections happen all the time
sweet like june honey, soft like winter flannel
calm, welcoming, aiding your journey
hour passes by, strain and sweat
she tries to remove strain from the discriptors
lying face up, melting into wet rubber
hearing and vision blurred by salt water toxins
heart beating in your neck and shoulders
cooling down you realize the task is unreasonable at best
although intentions are noble, words may mislead
leaving is uncomfortable, not wanting to go,
not knowing how to transition
phone call confirms worst case scenario
I have said too much, I have gone out on the limb
as it creaks, implying a crack, I regret nothing,
the mistake would have been hugging the tree
namaste

A study of Breathing 11/20/2007

forgiveness comes from deep within ones spirit
the will to seek and identify the blight
listen to your soul hard enough to hear it

the mind knows of ideas, not wrong or right
it is self fulfilling and prone to frustrate
the soul is the engine that sustains our flight

digging deep down into your hearts realestate
the cancer engulfs everything it can grab
Grasping its intirety you extirpate

recovery is quick, testing at the lab
results look good, procedure deemed a success
the load removed, the lifting of the slab

Insurance fees and self doubt just added stress
understanding lifes goal, live, not suppress


extirpate \EK-stur-payt\, transitive verb:
1. To pull up by the stem or root.
2. To destroy completely.
3. To remove by surgery.

A Terza Rima is a poem with an eleven syllable count in each line and a rhyming scheme
of aba, bcb, cdc, dd.

For even more of a challenge, try the Terza Rima Sonnet. This form of poem has an
eleven syllable count in each line and a rhyming scheme of aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee.

RPM 75 11/18/2007

RPM four thousand and three
thoughts turning over as fast as spinning wheels
the road resents every mile that clicks past
impailing us with curves, rocks, potholes and trees
absorbing it all, maintaining our direction
flouting any posted ideals or limits
increasing our rate, our speed, our intensity
hitting the next gear
pushed back deeper in our seats
RPM at four thousand and three


flout \FLOWT\, transitive verb:
1. To treat with contempt and disregard; to show contempt for.

intransitive verb:
1. To mock, to scoff.

noun:
1. Mockery, scoffing.

Hung out in wet snow 11/17/2007

seeking a smile
labor of love
comport with best intentions
praise is the keystone
other bricks are for show
acceptance


comport \kum-PORT\, transitive verb:
1. To conduct or behave (oneself) in a particular manner.

intransitive verb:
1. To be fitting; to accord; to agree -- usually followed by 'with'.

Short Pool 11/16/2007

Restiv I sit atop red ball
teak smells of damp sorrow
dusts frollicks outside
upward draft of frozen excess
impartial to days choices
seeking without looking
realization of the goal holds no solace
closure

restive \RES-tiv\, adjective:
1. Impatient under restriction, delay, coercion, or opposition; resisting control.
2. Unwilling to go on; obstinate in refusing to move forward; stubborn.

Pre Date Dilema 11/16/2007

Pimple
youthful burden
aggrandizes post haste
confidence erodes quicker yet
eye sore

aggrandize \uh-GRAN-dyz; AG-ruhn-dyz\, transitive verb:
1. To make great or greater; to enlarge; to increase.
2. To make great or greater in power, rank, reputation, or wealth; -- applied to persons, countries, etc.
3. To make appear great or greater; to exalt.

Cinquain
Cinquain is a short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed
as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, in five lines. It was developed by the Imagist poet, Adelaide Crapsey.

One form

Line 1: Noun
Line 2: Description of Noun
Line 3: Action
Line 4: Feeling or Effect
Line 5: Synonym of the initial noun.

Greg Laungry 11/15/2007

Alone
courtyard of uncertainty
searching stone and gravel
imposed will on smaller minds
weak bodies surround compassionate hearts
pushed down
strength in rising
and rising again
battle is won by the hector
the faith to rise again
wins the war.



hector \HEK-tur\, noun:
1. A bully.

transitive verb:
1. To intimidate or harass in a blustering way; to bully.

intransitive verb:
1. To play the bully; to bluster.

Al Gore's twin 11/14/2007

Boy
Flaneur
Mind and soul
Seeks connection
Ice shelf detaches, floats away from shore


flaneur \flah-NUR\, noun:
One who strolls about aimlessly; a lounger; a loafer.

Surrender 11/13/2007

Blinding light, pushing in fast
Universe calling, in search of a transporter
Be here now, come back from the past
Ideas, dreams, concepts hardening in mental mortar

Perfervid I rise, the battle at last
Airborne projectiles rise from the border
Will I command, or conform to, this approaching caste
The enemy forcing on me, their law and their order

White flag raised high on the mast
Accepting inevitable defeat, requesting quarter
Seeing smoke from shore, a final distant blast
Death or prison on the horizon, both a tall order
Answering soon, I will be, to a god or a warder


perfervid \puhr-FUR-vid\, adjective:
Ardent; impassioned; marked by exaggerated or overwrought emotion.

Pizza Luce 11/12/2007

Drunk
Swaying
Speech impaired
Gaze distorted
Left leg seems shorter
Hungry like a muskrat
Twelve dollars for pizza slice
Gesticulating with mouth full
Senses tingling, sauce burning, yummy
Calories at 3AM are costly

gesticulate \juh-STIK-yuh-layt\, intransitive verb:
1. To make gestures or motions, especially while speaking or instead of speaking.
transitive verb:
1. To indicate or express by gestures.

38 and Sunny 11/11/2007

darkness yields to light
awake and mercurial
pressure and tension
constraining thoughts and self image
allow tears to breach the duct


tanka style 5-7-5-7-7

mercurial \mur-KYUR-ee-uhl\, adjective:
1. [Often capitalized] Of or pertaining to the god Mercury.
2. [Often capitalized] Of or pertaining to the planet Mercury.
3. Having the qualities of shrewdness, eloquence, or thievishness attributed to the god Mercury.

4. Changeable in temperament or mood; temperamental; volatile.

5. Of, pertaining to, or containing mercury.
6. Caused by the use of mercury.

Peak Oil 11/10/2007

The deleterious souls of men
bound by pride and narcissism
taking their toll on our world
on our ability to live free
our ability to love our neighbor

The nebulous voice of men
purposely veiled without focus
illogical messages bombard us,
what is left of our ability to think freely
repeated attempts to silence our better judgment

The mysterious solutions of men
actions that no individual would undertake
but directed by few, the masses follow
actions, we are told, that protect us
protect us from what happens to passive people

The calming strength of men
of free thinkers, overlooked by so many.
valued typically by history and headstones
singled out as unsupportive, or unamerican
is insanity a synonym for conformity?

deleterious \del-uh-TIR-ee-us\, adjective:
Harmful; destructive; pernicious.

Ich habe eine Ente-Farm 11/9/2007

Polygot I am not,
Linguist I will never be
Verbose maybe
Loquacious some may say
Do I own Ducks?
No
Do I like Ducks?
Not particularly
Do I live on a farm?
No
Can I say “I have a farm of ducks” in 6 languages
Yes.

polyglot \POL-ee-glot\, adjective:
1. Containing or made up of several languages.
2. Writing, speaking, or versed in many languages.
noun:
1. One who speaks several languages.

A Study of Frost 11/8/2007

Morning Dew – frozen from the exiting darkness
The sun appearing beyond dense flat clouds
Sublimation expedites its departure from the bent limbs
Now breathing the particles that recently soaked the tops of my shoes
Every inch the sun grows on the clouds ameliorates my day, my attitude
I still ponder how I can be like the dew and skip steps in the process
Skip to the end without cutting anyone off
The process of tomorrow, and the day after that
Nature knows more about that than I.

ameliorate \uh-MEEL-yuh-rayt\, transitive verb:
1. To make better; to improve.
intransitive verb:
1. To grow better.

Ballad In Plain D - Bob Dylan

I once loved a girl, her skin it was bronze.
With the innocence of a lamb, she was gentle like a fawn.
I courted her proudly but now she is gone,
Gone as the season she’s taken.
Through young summer’s breeze, I stole her away
From her mother and sister, though close did they stay.
Each one of them suffering from the failures of their day.
With strings of guilt they tried hard to guide us.
Of the two sisters, I loved the young.
With sensitive instincts, she was the creative one.
The constant scapegoat, she was easily undone.
By the jealousy of others around her.
For her parasite sister, I had no respect,
Bound by her boredom, her pride to protect.
Countless visions of the other she’d reflect
As a crutch for her scenes and her society.
Myself, for what I did, I cannot be excused,
The changes I was going through can’t even be used,
For the lies that I told her in hopes not to lose
The could-be dream-lover of my lifetime.
With unknown consciousness, I possessed in my grip
A magnificent mantelpiece, though its heart being chipped,
Noticing not that I’d already slipped
To a sin of love’s false security.
From silhouetted anger to manufactured peace,
Answers of emptiness, voice vacancies,
Till the tombstones of damage read me no questions but, “Please,
What’s wrong and what’s exactly the matter?”
And so it did happen like it could have been foreseen,
The timeless explosion of fantasy’s dream.
At the peak of the night, the king and the queen
Tumbled all down into pieces.
“The tragic figure!” her sister did shout,
“Leave her alone, God damn you, get out!”
And I in my armor, turning about
And nailing her to the ruins of her pettiness.
Beneath a bare light bulb the plaster did pound
Her sister and I in a screaming battleground.
And she in between, the victim of sound,
Soon shattered as a child ‘neath her shadows.
All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight.
I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight.
My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night
Leaving all of love’s ashes behind me.
The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet.
The words to say I’m sorry, I haven’t found yet.
I think of her often and hope whoever she’s met
Will be fully aware of how precious she is.
Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me,
”How good, how good does it feel to be free?”
And I answer them most mysteriously,
”Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?”

Solitude 11/5/2007

Loneliness creeps in like chilled wind past an old window
It tastes of stale crackers, familiar, but undesired
Thoughts of your life, your decisions can’t leave the room
The very windows letting in the chill keep your thoughts prisoner
Their glass, wavy from age, reflects your situation warped like a circus mirror
Opening them would blast you with frigid air,
Keeping them shut may drive you insane….

The choices of your life come back like an annoying neighbor
Knocking at your door at the most inopportune times
The fun you had, the responsibilities you avoided, the phobias you created
Now turn your Saturday night from “the weekend” to an internal war of thoughts
Drawn out slowly, keeping the residents in constant fear
A war that occurs inside your mind, but seems to consume your body.
Bombs and grenades explode inside whether they hit or miss the target
An attack on the enemy is one in the same with an attack on the good guys

The room becomes ever more cold, the windows start to whine
The noise and the cold are tag-teaming you
Trying to plug the cracks is futile
Hypothermia may kill you before the sound makes you go mad
Freezing to death seems like a good analogy for the pain of lost love
A slow descent from mild discomfort to suffocating anguish
Small bits of it are annoying, but its consistency will kill you

The consistency of the loss, of the mental punishment is what is killing me
The lack of improvement of the patient, no signs of the willpower needed to fight
The sword uses both sides to cut, the double edge
You can leave the house for a few hours when a friend calls
Or you have to work, but you have no where to go but home
the wind never warms, nor the whine subsides
it looks nice outside, but the windows hold only hardship

The more you try to ignore it the louder and colder it becomes
The more clothes you put on, the heavier you feel
Naked on the floor you are broken
You have nothing to give, nothing to remove
The base of a being is found in pain and suffering
From here there is only up, but it is so hard to see anything but down
The floor can relate to you, the ceiling is not even in reach of your wildest dreams
Alone you wait to die, or be saved
By yourself.

Resistance 11/07/2007

Fealty to self

Snow flakes rest on green grass blades;

Ones awakening

fealty \FEE-uhl-tee\, noun:
1. Fidelity to one's lord; the feudal obligation by which the tenant or vassal was bound to be faithful to his lord.
2. The oath by which this obligation was assumed.
3. Fidelity; allegiance; faithfulness.

REM denied 11/06/2007

I had always worried,

That if I let her go

She’d come and get me in my sleep

Unlike a large ball slowly rolling at me,

My most recognizable bete noire,

A representation of inescapable doom.

Her appearance in my dreams was much worse.

Her form was not scary or disturbing,

Nor were her actions fear inducing

Actually, quite the opposite.

It was the delayed realization…..

The realization that her presence forced upon me

The realization that she would disappear at dawn

This was the nightmare

The glimpse of what might have been

Followed by the cold wisp of the truth

Shutting my eyes at night, knowing what is likely to come.

Being unsure of which was more painful

The false pleasure of dreams,

Or the harsh reality of morning.

Bete noire \bet-NWAHR\, noun:
Something or someone particularly detested or avoided; a bugbear.

Moving on 10/15/2007

The painting is not done
Knowing when to stop,
The sign of a good artist

The struggle of the widow-
The pain and thought prove your love
But only to you

Realize you have been lost-
Lost in your sorrow
Find yourself

She knows.
Your days are precious
Continue your painting.

St. Peters Denial 10/10/07

Waking up on your death bed
tubes in your arm
sensors on your chest
no clue how you got there
grasping for the recent past
seeing feet at the end of the bed
peeking out from tustled blankets
knowing they are yours, but also knowing they don't look like yours
you can move them, but they still look fake
eyes sweeping the empty room, hearing nothing
eyes stop on the phone, blank gaze, mental pause
there is a defined moment in timee when you realize who that call would go to
silence broken by the audible beep of your heart rate rising
trying to cope with that reality
if you could reach the phone, or get up, you would call her first
trying to cope with that reality

dying would have been painless,
onlookers would have probably thought otherwise
waking up is going to turn out to be more difficult than the alternative.

Fire on the Mountain 9/25/2007

Gray frosting
Confettied curls
A paragraph in a nod
Creation without producing anything
No waste products – unless you count hangovers
2nd fiddle – pink with starch
Jealously or comrodary
The maestro must be hard to live with
Blinding light warms the carpet
Neutral colors and safe choices will offend no one
Crust forms on your moccasins, your dreams
Prolonged Midlife crisis from 25-death
Society has a collective guilt trip
Listen not to the masses, nor to the minority
Nor to the voice you identify as you
Share thoughts with the devil
Strive to learn both sides of everything
Have you ever truly loved?
Unhooked the safety line and jumped
Piano completes the sequence
As the guitar fades.

The magnificent Heron aka M E Z 9/24/2007

A majestic bird, slender, still, beautiful
Carries herself with the style of royalty
Stands on the shore taking in the moment
Pillows of fog paint the soft background
At peace with her role in nature
The most beautiful of birds, to me
Intricacies appreciated only by the experienced study
She stands oblivious to the attention she commands
Effortlessly she jumps from her silent cove
Her flight is smooth and peaceful
Large wings support the weight placed upon her by gravity and thought
Smooth strokes of strong feathers,
Hush, hush, hush
Tips touching the mirrored liquid
the earth breathing warm air aiding her journey
Coasting to a new safe harbor,
protected from the wind and commotion
Setting down without a sound
Gently landing in my dreams well into winter
Reminding me of my first experience
Standing transpontine, the water a natural barrier
The river too fast and deep to cross
that much I know from past attempts
If I could fly I would go to her.
Maybe if I am still.......

Random Quotes 9/21/2007

Whatever you think, be sure it is what you think;
whatever you want, be sure that is what you want;
whatever you feel, be sure that is what you feel.

T. S. Eliot (1888 -1965)

To be one’s self, and
unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice
of surrender to conformity.

Irving Wallace

We forfeit three-fourths of
ourselves in order to be like other people.


Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)


All men profess honesty as
long as they can. To believe all men honest would be folly. To believe none
so is something worse.

Right turn signal 9/18/2007

Coffee shop to read - philosophy
Breathing warm air - fresh exhaust from passing traffic
“Paul” comes from neighboring booth as I approach
Her good friend-
Catching herself mid-speech as she says my name
Forgetting that I am the bad guy
Want to ask about her - Can’t
Want to call her - Can’t
Want to move on - Can’t
Want to understand this book,
The Critique of Practical Reason - Kant

Engineers Curse 9-17-2007

Problem arises
What is the problem?
Define it.
Discover it.
Analyze it.
Do I want to fix it?
Yes
Can I determine the cause?
Yes
Can I see a solution?
I think so.
Can I fix it?
Yes I can
Try plan A - backfire
Try plan B - Backfire
Try plan C - Backfire
Abort mission, I am not smart enough

Regroup,
you can do it
Yes, I can
Try plan A’ - fail
Try plan B’ - fail
Try plan C’ - fail
Abort

Regroup,
you can do it this time
Try plan A” - Whoops
Try plan B” - whoops
Try plan C” - whoops

I am smart, I see the cause, and the affect
I guess I am not good enough for this problem

Maybe it is not mine to solve......

I will just wait and be supportive.

Time is up I guess.

The girl of my dreams 9/17/07

I waited
I prepared
I dreamed
I avoided commitment to others
I pictured her
Tall, dark, athletic, kind, emotional, caring
I see her
I meet her
I date her
She loves me
I love her
I lied to her
She hates me
She doesn’t trust me
She cheats on me
I forgive her
She doesn’t
She pressures me
She needs more
I leave

I miss her
She misses me
I come back
I try harder
She doesn’t trust me
She doesn’t trust herself
I think I can hold on
I think I can help her find herself
She wonders why I am with her
She needs more
Pressure returns
I leave
I can’t live without her
I love her
I need trust, I need confidence
She finds someone else
Maybe I am not the one for her?
She is the one for me
I tell her
We are back
I try harder
I have success
I can do this
This is going to work
Pressure comes back
She pressures me
Her parents pressure her
I try to hang on
She tries to hang on
She pressures me
She can’t wait
I try to hold on
I try to hang on
I don’t want to let go
I can’t hold on
I don’t know what to do
I let go

I love the girl of my dreams

Lotus’s Competition 9-17-2007

Beautiful Art, Simple, German
Pronounced features, Forward, Gray
Strong lines and secure intersections
Soft rumble of metal, carbon and oil
Zen like peace anywhere it appears
Danger - Exhilaration
Escape around every corner
Boundaries exist only in your mind,
Your ability to visualize the path
Donor recipients and free spirits best friend
Mothers and fiancées worst enemy
False sense of control, security
Risking all you have, knowing it, accepting it.
Forgetting about death is easy when you are experiencing living
Your brain is trained to warn “Caution”
Your blood flow increases, primes the systems in use
Trust
Your mind asks for control back, your soul rejects the request
You lean, you turn your wrist, you melt into the moment
Connected now with the earth
You are one -with everything real.

No Win Situ 9/17/2007

I try to reassure her
I try to reassure myself
I am so confused
The girl of my dreams
I am not her dreams
I feel like a means to an end
I try to be patient
There is no time
But there is
Perception is reality, there is no time
I am in a corner
I am in a catch 22
No way out
I can’t have my dream girl
I don’t know what to do
To keep her is to lose her,
To leave her is to lose her
I have to resign, let her find herself
And most likely, someone else.

Not Surprised, Curious, or Upset 9/17/2007

Three words- interesting relations
The reaction of an ex lover
“the” ex lover
Signaling movement past me, past us
Feels like punishment for my failure, deliberate
Feels like withholding of an “I love you” at the end of an unhappy phone call
3 words that don’t form a sentence

“been there done that” she is probably thinking
“another attempt, I have learned my lesson”
“what would I tell my parents”
“he had his chance”
What is my motivation, better figure it out
Self serving, Insecurity, wanting the last word?
Did she really love me? Was I the one? Was I wrong?
What can I take away from this pain, I need something positive.
If I was the answer to her prayers, what is the positive outcome for her?
For me?

Roll my way into the Semis 9/09/2007

I miss writing to her
I miss expressing myself in words, on paper.
Sitting down to write to her made me feel alive, In love.
The excitement in giving the words to her,
It was a nervous energy, a calming transfer
a vessel hoping for a warm welcome

I wrote to her so she would have something concrete,
Something real, solid, unwavering.
Something that she could reference when she doubted, or when I was not there.
Something that was an extension of me, in black and white.
A constant light if it grew dark, or foggy.

I remember the feeling of being unable to please her
I remember the pain of not being enough, not meeting her expectations
I remember her not believing my words,
Not trusting my character
I remember the pressure, the confusion of where the pressure was coming from.

I miss the knowing that my love was heard
I don’t miss the feeling of loving her,
As I am unable to stop
I miss the feeling of the two way street.

I miss the times when I knew my love was understood,
That I was understood,
That I was ok
That I was enough
That we were going to make it

I remember the feeling of helplessness,
Of not being able to affect her confidence, her trust,
Of not being smart enough to figure it out
Of the sharp pain of the separation between what I want, and what I couldn’t figure out how to get.

I miss the calm I felt with her, the connection with another human being at a level that was not of the mind
One which I have never felt before.
Will I ever feel that again?

I miss the feeling of peace, of being able to sleep so soundly with her next to me.
I miss the little things, as most people who truly love do; I am not unique in my feelings,
But my feelings are unique.

I think about her as much now as ever,
Love exists whether or not someone receives it,
Love is an internal force that spins for someone else
The wheel doesn’t stop because the loved one stops looking for it.

I hope someday it stops, for the sake of my sanity,
But I know if the wheel stops, so would I.

Midieval bathroom lines 9/8/07

Hours counting down
Virgin at this distance
Body already showing signs of its awareness
Mind wavering between confidence and fear
What were the bathrooms like before medieval battles
Rashes seem like they could have been a big issue
When was Vaseline invented?
No one is trying to kill me tomorrow
Stab me with a rusty sword, or launch a javelin at me
What would I have done?
Sidestep that bitch with ease and take him out with a sweeping leg kick
That is what I would have done
Cold feet,
Literally
Bad circulation – packer game 1999
I hope I do well,
I am ready,
I am willing,
I am able,
Success?
Not sure what that will be determined by
But that is a good thing.
Competing for the sake of competing.
Living for the sake of living.
Patience.

5 months in 9/6/07

Energy waves flux thru my psyche
The hills offer no reward
Effort given up
Regret on the downfall
My writings have been focused on past trespasses
And current theories
Missed in the confusion of the fire
The two individuals that created the union
One a naïve flower only wanting light, water, and attention
The other a cerebral bee trying not to think too much
She still floats through my thoughts,
Lightly dancing off of each mind pedal
Stopping long enough to think you could touch her
Talk to her, hug her.
In one dream, she appears on a road with mirrored glasses,
Sweat pants, and a dog on a leash
I approach her to be sure it is she
I realize she is crying,
She says, “I am not doing so good”
I feel every bit of her, every phylum of her life
I just hold her. For the rest of my dream.
I want to sleep forever
The alarm breaks us apart,
I wake up sad; I want to hold her in real life
I know the energy we have for each other
I can feel it now as I write this
I know she thinks about me
Almost as much as I think about her
Maybe she doesn’t
Maybe I am delusional
Maybe she is better off without me
I see her pictures, the old ones I can’t put away
And now the new ones thanks to my space
I see her laughing, smiling, being herself
I force myself to remember the pressure, the guilt, and the insecurity
But that does no good; I still want to be by her side.
I still feel it was all my fault, even though I know it was not
What was the fucking rush?
She is everything to me - I wish she was enough for herself

Circular Reference 9/5/07

To Love is to Trust
To trust is to believe in someone
To believe in someone, is to believe in yourself

To believe in yourself is to understand that your judgment, your value, your honor, your inner soul,
Your self worth.

Is clearly evident to all who you love.

Trust is a gift that should not be held for ransom.
Trust is binary
Trust me.

D is for Delta 9/5/07

Nasal pressure
Headache, bright oval windows of death light
Bad hairdos and financial statements
Sardines impatiently waiting
Caked on make up,
I used to be paid well, and pretty
Conscious poetry
Reclined five inches,
Screen snuggled under vinyl lip
Hot, stale air forced from above
Drying already irritated iris’
Bob Dylan said it best
Meet me in the morning,
56th and Wabasha

Humility from Humidity 9/5/07

Pillows and spots on my eyes
Suns reflection off the clouds
Uncomfortable view from blue vinyl
Above the world, but feeling otherwise
Let down on all fronts
Pieced together, favors, ingenuity, results
Returning to camp with subsiding anger
Tired of the journey, of the expectations, of the responsibilities
Who benefits from this ordeal?
Staying upstream is challenging with broken oars
Self doubt
Maybe I am not a leader,
Self-exploration and new challenges seem to be my thing
Do I need a break, a vacation?
Should I just settle on a convention, conform?
Broke, tired, desperate
Confused on so many fronts.
Do I really know what I am doing?
Is that why I never reveal my plans?
Fear of reasoning being unsound?
I will land on my feet
I always do

Over 18 9/05/2007

Control of another is a myth
Guilt, Intimidation, fear of abandonment,
The tools of the trade

The true understanding, the wise
Do not try to control, but try to offer an open door, a smile, and a welcome mat.
Ensures you will only have guests, never prisoners

“disinfranchised” 9/3/07

Flat Coke
Stale love
Does a weak man stay,
Or does a weak man leave
Half of marriages fail
Second time I mentioned that
Am I fixated on failing at marriage?
Or is society fixated on a false sense of security
24 hours is a life’s goal for some
Why are second marriages less of a production?
Shouldn’t they be a bigger deal since this time you know it is forever?
65 years is what I am more concerned about
Neither focus rules the other out
But 24 hours is easily mistaken for much more
I am afraid of my ability to fit in
I am worried about my mental state
I am concerned about my idea of a relationship
My clock is not ticking as fast as some
But I still hear the hands move
I am not free from the affects of a society fixated on others relationships
Hopefully I am strong enough to maintain myself in my life.
Strong enough to hold on?
but also strong enough to let go?

200#’s of closed mindedness 9/2/07

The cheater will accuse you of cheating
The thief will worry about you taking his stuff
The liar will doubt your sincerity
The one who is never wrong, is afraid to be found a fool

What do you see in others, what do you fear in others
Do you have the guts to seek that out in yourself?
Do you have the ability to listen to your mind?
To identify it, to observe it
To know you control it, that it is not you?

Having baggage that you know about is the goal
Believing you are free from it is an illusion
Pride helps you prolong that illusion

Pride is a position that you are not willing to accept other opinions or viewpoints on
Pride is a weak mans armor
His protective barrier between himself and the world
The thicker the armor, the more difficult the movement,
The harder it is to see broadly, to grow, to hear.
Nothing can affect me; prove me wrong in my armor.
The weak man dies with a smile knowing he was right, and the rest of us were wrong.
That he is superior, smarter, better than the rest of us.

The rest of us sadly recycle his armor for the $9.84 and return to our lives
We wonder how tall, or fast, or kind he could have been if it weren’t for the metal suit he refused to leave.

50 – Love 8/31/07

To pass or not to pass
Sunday driver
It is Sunday....
Not driving, but looking,
Not steering but pointing
Not going 55, but 47
Passing
Looking over to see the monster
Not noticing the dark blue shark approaching
Shit, cop.
Approaching 80
Shit turning around
Shit I am wearing a wife-beater
I never wear a wife beater.
To run or not to run
34 and thinking like a 16 year old
Thinking of excuses
Pulling over
$186 and a lecture
He only knows about the 72
Yes sir
Thank you
Driving on.
Why do I say thank you?
Always pass a minivan.
Always
I am ok with today.

Clint’s Wisdom 8/30/07

I am a good guy,
I am honest
I am trustworthy
I am worthy of the love of a good woman.
All true statements,
All worth nothing.
I am alone writing poetry to someone who will never read it
I am bettering myself
I am becoming more aware of myself
I am realizing that happiness is a funny thing.

Owen Wilson
Another friend’s marriage lasting 1 year
One from a reliable source, the other from the line at the grocery
50% chance.
Choose right, choose safely,
I can’t predict the future
I can’t predict the next 5 minutes
I am going to seven corners.

Compatibility – thoughts on 8/29/07

Lasting team – not a quick fix
What percent of the recipe is attraction, salt, heat?
Can a human eat chilly every meal
My uncle does.
What percent is the happy overlap?
The un-measured, uncontrolled parts?
The slow simmer, the tool of the veteran chef
The rookie has no feel, follows the recipe exactly,
follows the recipe......follows.
The rookie wishes more precise measuring cups existed
The rookie checks too often the status
Worries about this thing – “the status”
Needs to constantly verify “the status”.
Doesn’t trust the process, doesn’t trust himself/herself

Microwave love, the impatient students long for it
Instant gratification, not a uniform temperature
Pockets of scalding warmth and lumpy frost....
Even when the tray spins
A meal that is slow cooked is what I seek
Time, trust, patience...
A nurturing chef, mixing by hand
In a kitchen aid society, how can I create the space for a marinade.

Cerebral to a fault 8/28/07

Disagreement between the brain and the heart
Are we not one, am I not one?
Your heart knows not of logic, of behavior
It knows only of the deepest care you can have for another being
The push for a solution through a goal - a milestone, does not make sense to the mind
The alternative does not work with the heart
The result is a pool on the floor of the operating room
The separation means the death of both parts,
Or so it feels.

Why can’t I just be your best friend?
That I can live up too.

Why can’t I be someone you get joy from seeing chase my own dreams
I would always return home.

Why does the target always change, without a moving target, or even a target?
I cannot miss.

Why can’t you focus on yourself, dream, hope, attempt, fail?
I would always be able to support you, to learn from you.

Why do you listen so closely to others? Feel the need to follow?
I can’t tell who is speaking

Why wasn’t I enough?

Fillmore 8/27/07

Laying it down with three fingers
Speaking with out words – syllables
30 years or 5 minutes ago – the same place
Summer trying to hold on, scared to change
No rush to start, no place to go
Clinging to something does not slow its decay
Enjoy the process of death, of dying
The antonym is found there
Space and silence
The canvas for the master
A great guitarist finds the path between the music,
A welcomed journey into your soul
No forced entry
Realizing not when it begins – only when it ends
Time travel is as real as sun warped vinyl

Marshmellow in a piggy bank. 8/25/07

Expectations are the currency of relationships
Credit scores are low, rates are high
Forced poetry is no fun for either of us.
Sorry.

Happily Ever After 8/20/07

The storywriter’s easiest line
Societies biggest lie
Death is at the end, not ever after
I can conceive of most everything....
But death

Of all the conquests, failures, and experiences I seek,
Death is my Mt. Everest.
I don’t want happily ever after
When it is all said and done, and most likely before it is all said and done.
I will die

I want to die well,
Which means I must live well

That is something to look forward to.

Happiness 2x defined 8/20/2007

I agree
Happiness is children, is love, partnership
But it is finding those treasures when you are simply walking along
People can’t tell you what happiness is for you,
Wisdom will tell you what it is not.
Happiness is telling those people to go fuck themselves
Happiness is lying on the operating table as the beeps slow
Knowing that you jumped the Grand Canyon.
Everyone said you would be committing suicide
But fuck them-
You jumped the Grand Canyon…well almost
For as you die, as the light fades from the room but resurfaces inside
You smile knowing that on their deathbed, they will be wishing
that they had died like you, not questioning what it might have been like…
to be yourself.

Glass Cage 8/20/2007

Raspy Hum
Dry Air – questions about pollens
Cage of glass
Jealous onlookers presume your personality
Basketball trash talk finally understood
“You don’t know me!”
Breathing consciously
Fighting internal mind battles on foreign soil
Who are you – what defines you?
How to be yourself and not become part of your surroundings
Cage of glass might be your prison,
Your identity prison

Gray Movie 8/19/2007

I sit here alone
Open seats to my left, to my right
Loneliness is a presumption about the future
Being alone is a fact
I long for her
But I long for her to become free
From her demons
I wonder if her demons are really hers,
What if I projected them, created them?
Did I shun her, did I notice her,
Could she feel noticed?
I can’t figure it out
I wanted to fulfill her dreams,
My dreams.
Dreams can only be fulfilled in the present
A task guaranteed to fail.

Worlds Weakest Man 8/18/07

It is easy to second-guess a dying man
It is easy for many to pass judgement, to condescend.
If you sir, were dying
Would you still judge, still condescend?
Would you think more about yourself, what you didn’t do?
Would you wish you had done more?
Told that someone you are sorry, or you loved him or her?
laughed more, tried more, judged less?

He who dies with less undone, unsaid, untried-
Dies with fewer worries, transitions with acceptance
He who wishes for more life to do what he should have done
Who feels he was unfairly treated in the game of life
Is usually the know it all, the one who deems himself tall enough
to be looking down on everyone.
The one loudly passing judgment, using vocal misdirection so others don’t notice

His attempt to hide.....

His fear of living

Hit by a Bus 8/18/2007

What if I were hit by a bus,
Who would be affected?
Who would come to my hospital room?
What if I didn’t make it?
Who would I regret not saying something too?

When the light is fading, and I am moving past this life,
Would those people who doubted me and my feelings understand,
At that moment, the true essence of who I was and how I felt about them
Or would they just get a phone call.
What if they were not on the call list anymore?

I think the energy saved in my heart would stay in this world,
I think it would seek out its partner, the one whom created that energy
And reunite.

Just a thought.

Wish 8/16/2007

I wish I were happy,
I wish I were more confident
I wish I were more secure
I wish I were 15 inches taller

3 of these are attainable for all humans,
4 of them for babies and kids under 7

Pearly Rainbow 8/15/2007

Live with out stress
Die with out stress

Take care of your soul
As that is what you see when you look for your savior
There is only you
There is only now
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no tunnel; the light you see is actually here and now.
If you harness the light now, and it is always with you…..
You don’t have to look to the end of anything for it
Sounds a lot easier to me…. what if you don’t make it to the end,
What if you take a different tunnel?
Shit, what if you sit down and rest.

Freedom 8/12/2007

Chained to the bedpost of responsibility
Evaluating the range of your motion

Thinking about MacGyver, a blow torch, or a special key
Wondering how sturdy the bedpost is.

How do I get free of this chain?
If I could just get over there.


Freedom is the absence of the chain,

Or

The absence of the knowledge of a world without the chain

Or

The total acceptance of the chain

Hopefully you see they are all equal

Happily Ever After 8/11/2007

The storywriter’s easiest line
Societies biggest lie
Death is at the end, not ever after
I can conceive of most everything….
But death

Of all the conquests, failures, and experiences I seek,
Death is my Mt. Everest.
I don’t want happily ever after
When it is all said and done, and most likely before it is all said and done.
I will die

I want to die well,
Which means I must live well

That is something to look forward to.

Mental Inconvenience 8/10/2007

Stress used to be real,
Stress is no longer able to enter my world

There are problems that arise,
I am human, I have tires, I have obstacles, I have expectations

These problems require my mental capacity to understand and to act upon
Getting caught in the washing cycle of repeat analysis is my headwind

The wind tunnel of life will either teach you to reduce your surface area
or blow you back to the fence with smoke in your face

Either way you have to pay for the time you have inside.
Might as well use it to your advantage

My advice is to bring along some clay and design a car or a helmet.
That is what I intend to do.

Become it, change it, or accept it
The three tools I have to smooth out my profile

Stress is the emotional attachment to your minds concept of what should be
You don’t need stress to survive.

You think you do,
You think it is like gravity, constant, unavoidable

You are wrong.

Allowing yourself to be wrong is the first step
Because you should be right, correct?

Will your ego allow you to be wrong enough times to save your life?

Love the Noble Possession 8/09/2007

Everyone agrees that the lust for identity based on things is self defeating and false.

I want “to be in love”
I need “love”
I will be happy once I get “married”
If I had “a girlfriend/wife” I would be complete
My parents would be proud of me if I had “Children”
I could be someone if I had “someone to love me”
If I had “true love” I could focus on the rest of my life
“love” will solve all of my problems
I can’t live without “her”
“she “ will always make me feel good about myself

Now replace the words in the “” with “ a Porsche”

Frat Boy Blues 8/08/2007

I am smarter than you
If I chose to I could beat you
I am better at sports than you
I am better at more things than you
My girlfriend is better looking than yours
My job is more difficult
My peers all like me more than yours
My collegues respect me more than yours
You don’t even know how to change the oil in your car
Your parents gave you the money
I became more from less
I have more social intelligence than you
I am more secure than you
I am better at admitting I am wrong than you
You should want to be me

Tool Shed 8/08/2007

Your mind like a hammer
Tools used to construct your identity
Witness the wood, the nails, the 3M double stick
Exist between the studs, beneath the sheetrock
Pine wishing it were Mahogany
Nails wishing they were hinges
If it can be labeled
It can not be you
Honor what you have constructed
But only find yourself in the space around it
Space can not be claimed nor can it be destroyed
Space can not be defined
Neither can you.

Relax 8/05/2007

What is it truly that you seek
Do you not have it?
Does the joy of the race not end at the finish line?
Explore the world both inside and out
Love will never elude you, trick you, or abandon you.
Once love becomes you
It becomes everyone you touch, you see
The love of oneself is sometimes called “selfish”
I call it the key to the kingdom
For with out the key you will always thirst outside the walls
And you will die with a dry throat.

1 hour 8/04/2007

Dry mouth
Heartbeat unsteady
Picking skin on my finger
Eye contact difficult
I am over you
I am not
I need to be
I can’t find you in us

Tibetan Bracelet 8/04/2007

Today I bought a Tibetan bracelet

PEACE. JOY. COMPASSION. LOVE

I bought it to act as a reminder to live in the now,
Be peaceful, show love, try not to get caught up in my ego and myself….

I did buy the one with gold letters

Do I identify with being worldly, wise, eastern, enlightened?
Do I want others to ask about it ?
Did I get the one with gold so it might happen to catch someone’s eye, so they could notice me, so they would be impressed?

I guess I will start with it being a reminder of my want to be something, and I will work backwards from their.

Peninsula – Newark Airport 7-21-07

Air travel and neck aches.
35000 feet and the same clothes as yesterday

12 hours of drinking, meals and new friends,
Revitalization of your charm, your confidence, and your tolerance

Right and wrong are not adjectives for “decision”
Progression through the 4th dimension

The path is neither better nor worse, simply different
The destination is not changed, as there is no destination

Every wisdom has its price
A mistake is paying for something you already own

A fenceless Shepard never doubts his sheep.

Freewill is the only gift that will ever promise true joy
Barbed wire will just cut and scar your lover for their spirits curiosity.

Does the word peninsula have an opposite?

If Then 7/9/2007

I will be
I could be
I should be
This shouldn’t be
If this happens then…..
This isn’t happening
This isn’t fair
I deserve better
I am better than him/her
I should be as happy as him/her
I need this
I need this from you
I…………..

It is
It is now
I have now
Now, is all I have.

The Dash – your life 7/08/2007

4-27-73 – x/xx/xx


Here I am
1/16” down, 3/16” to go
what a day to die
what a day to live
1/16” is not to much to brag about
3/16” is not to much to worry about

M2 7/7/2007

Become free
Become free
Erupt in conciseness
Feel your inner power
Sit with yourself
Know yourself
Trust yourself
Believe in yourself
Walk your path
Stress is walking a path for someone else
Eliminate stress
Self doubt arises from following a map you didn’t create
Guilt is a hot potato that many catch and hold
Because someone they love tossed it at them
You can borrow my tennis racket
Become free
Become Free

……of yourself

Parents Wish - Childs hurdle 7/05/2007

Is it possible to become something?

The future can hold nothing
The future does not exist
How can you

Arrive
Become happy
Become complete
Become successful

In a place that is not real

You can’t go east without going west
The path you are on can never be wrong
You are everything you want to be
You have everything you want to have

You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment
You are this moment

Should Be 6/12/2007

The way it should be
The way it is,

Is the former even a feasible statement?
Can you spell feasible with a ph?

Why is it so easy for people to know what is best for others.
Why do you feel your life choices should be someone else’s?
Weakness is an unfair trait to pass on to your children.
How much of your day is consumed with a feeling of superiority over others?
Who are you trying to convince?

Life, like a shark, is never still.

What is the proper mourning period for a failed relationship?
For a portion of your life where you tried your best to balance.

How do you attack the next part of the course with the same fever?
How do you re-buy your innocence once you own the experience of loss, of failure?

Time does not heal, but numbs to a point of perpetual acceptability
Self pity comes in some funny forms, anger, ego, insecurity.

The way it should be is never the way it is,
The ability to let it be is more than a great Beatles song,

It is the key to life.

The dude abides, and I am jealous of him.